Proving I'm a Terrible Mother Once Again

I don't write about my kids very often.  Once in awhile I share with you my attempts at being a good mom.  Like last summer when I wrote about putting my daughter on the wrong train and sending her off to oblivion.  I'm a stellar mom, there's little doubt about that.

About two weeks ago PR (13 years old) came home from his school day in 8th grade and told me he "might" need glasses.  

"Are you having trouble seeing the board at school?" I asked.

"No," he answered, "I see perfectly, but I flunked the eye test at school today."

Well, okay then.  

I have never once taken him in to an optometrist for an eye check.  His older siblings went a few years ago, but he (for reasons I don't remember) was not included in the visit.  Briefcase has the worst vision imaginable so you would think this would be something I'd be on top of, wouldn't you?

Right then RC entered the room (18 years old, high school senior) and informed me that although PR might be able to see the board at school, he was having a little trouble.  Fine, I decided to make appointments for both of them.  In fact, I've been squinting at my laptop lately, so I added myself into the mix.

RC had his appointment on Monday.  The doctor went through the standard tests with me looking on.  Towards the end she informed us RC's eyes aren't "too bad," but he could benefit with a pair of glasses just for reading the board at school.  Glasses are very "in" now as a fashion statement and I think RC was actually a little disappointed he wouldn't need to wear them all the time.

Then the doctor dilated RC's eyes.  RC had never had this done before because our previous doctor didn't feel it was necessary until he got "a little older."  Of course, this causes blurry vision.  The doctor then ushered RC into another room for "laser imprinting" of his eye.  Apparently this gave RC extreme vertigo.  I've never had it done so I can't explain why, but it did.

All of a sudden RC staggered out of the laser imprinting room (I had not accompanied him in there).  He looked like he was drunk.  He walked into a wall.  RC is the comedian in our family.  I thought he was goofing around.  

"What are you doing, RC?" I asked.

He staggered some more.  I started to tell him enough is enough, and to please stop embarrassing me with his shenanigans when he collapsed right there in the waiting room. 

Collapsed.

I rushed to him, and helped him into a chair (still not fully comprehending what was wrong with him).  He fell out of the chair right back on the floor again.  Omigod! Interestingly enough, no one in the waiting area, and none of the employees made any attempt to help.

Eventually the doc came out and ushered us into a back room.  She said she has seen the laser imprinting "affect a few people" like that before.  I told her I initially had thought RC was just goofing around.  She gave me a disapproving glare.  (What?  He's a clown!) After about 20 minutes, RC was fine to walk out to the car and go home.  He was embarrassed at having "made a scene" at the doctors.

Twenty four hours later PR and I were back in the same office having our eyes checked. The doctor decided not to do laser imprinting on either of us.  (I wouldn't have let her.)  I had not told PR about RC's experience because I didn't want to make him anxious.  It was his first visit to an optometrist.

Right before PR's test he looked at me and said, "I'm a little nervous.  I don't think I see so good."

(Nice grammar, I know!  And what happened to "I see perfectly"??)

His eye test began.  I watched on in horror.

My kid is as blind as a bat.

I sat in the room with him as he flunked his eye test.  I saw the doctor's disapproving expression as she made the eye tests bigger and bigger and PR still could not read them.  She glanced at me as if to say, "How the hell could you let your kid walk around like this?"

So, of course, filled with immediate and complete "mom guilt," I tried to explain.

In a nervous, apologetic, and guilt-filled rush of words, I began rambling.

"He must be able to see the board, he got straight A's!" I rationalized said.

The doctor remained silent and disapproving.

"Really, how could he do that if he can't see the board?"

She countered with, "Think how stressful it must be on him to accomplish that when he can't see."

Ouch!

More mom guilt resulted in me talking faster instead of shutting up.

"But he plays baseball!" I announced.

"Well, he can't actually be fielding the ball," she remarked skeptically.

Clearly she thinks he stands out on the field while balls go whizzing past him all day.

PR's whole life is, and always has been, all about his passion for baseball.  Currently his coach has him playing shortstop (because *ahem* he can field the ball.)  He also pitches and he has to be able to see in order to pitch.

"Yes, he fields the ball very well," I answered defensively.

"Does he ever hit the ball?" she asked, dubiously.

Now she was just pissing me off.  I felt bad enough about PR's eyesight without her rubbing in what a neglectful mom I am.

"He's been hitting great," I countered.

I was pissed off at her holier than thou attitude. The kid has been hitting the crap out of the ball.  Honestly, PR has not been stumbling around walking into walls ... like his brother did the previous day.

Is it my fault that I didn't know my own kid is half blind?  

(Yes, but make me feel better and pretend it's not.)

Her voice filled with skepticism, the doctor said, "Well he must be feeling the ball because he's certainly not seeing it."

Why not just call me the world's worst mom?

To top off my wonderful experience, she then informed me I now need reading glasses.

"That's what happens as you get older," she smiled.

Bitch!

Comments

[sherendipity]

She's lucky it was your appointment and not mine. I would have told her off. Those holier than thou medical professionals piss me off. If it's warranted that I get a lecture, fine. But if you're just being a bitch, I'll let you know it. It's not like I'd ever go back to her anyway, so it's cathartic to leave a lasting impression.

[Jan]

I bet HER kids have horrible teeth and the orthodontist gives her hell for it.

I hope so, anyway.

[Hallie]

Were her claws out as she said all this?

Hallie

[Karin]

My first question to my kids every day isn't "how are you seeing today?" Let some of that imposed mom guilt go since it's also his responsibility to tell you what his eyes are telling him. As for the doctor - she's lucky you didn't reach out with that good arm and bitch slap her right then and there!

I had an ER nurse tell me once (when daughter had neg. reaction to immunizations and nearly died) that I was "too cheap to buy the real tylenol and gave her the crap the pharmacy prescribed". Her feet didn't touch the ground as I carried her sorry ass to the wall and read her the riot act! I don't think anything was going to fight off the 107.7 degree fever that over-took her body in 30 minutes!

She too was a BITCH! lol

Karin

[Linda]

Remember you that you are not a mind reader. When you ask and your kids says I'm fine, you believe them right?
And as a girl who has worn glasses since the 3rd grade (when it was so NOT cool), I'm here to tell you that I can fake an eye test in a blink! I passed classes, fielded & hit softballs.
I would have SO kicked the dr at that "older" comment. What is she? 12?

[dogmother]

Instead of making you feel like a skanky ass mother, did she question that this might have been a "sudden" change in his vision ......maybe there could be something else going on....or maybe he has just learned to compensate, as people do! My next appointment would be with a different eye doctor!
As for you my friend, welcome to mid-life!! I spent my whole life bragging about my "perfect vision"....now, over the past three years I have become totally handicapped without reading glasses. I cannot read anything without them and I HATE that dependence. I actually have made mistakes (like in my checkbook) because I tried to read things without glasses. Just yesterday I received a "correction" from the bank. I read a "3" as an "8" on my check...because I didn't put the damn glasses on! OK, now that I've vented about that, there are lots of really cute glasses out there. Dogs like to eat reading glasses, by the way :)

[Donna in VA]

I've been to doctors like her before and I've even let them guilt me too [in the past]. Since menopause has set in, I've shed that "guilt" and will call them out on their little power trips. There's being a doctor and trying to inform their patients of their condition, and then there's just plain being a bitch.

[Margie]

I had similar experiences with both my boys. My adopted son was tested in kindergarten and upon his eye exam with the Dr., it was discovered he had almost no sight in one eye, since birth, but compensated with the other. My youngest son always told me he couldn't see the board (this was usually during discussing poor grades) and my response was "Sit closer." Then he turned 16 and we went to get his driver's license and he FAILED the eye exam. So, yeah, guilty. Hope that makes you feel better. :)

[EricaB]

You are NOT an awful mother. But that optometrist sure sounds like a bitch!!

[Linda T.]

24- My Mom went through the same thing! When I was in 3rd grade she took me to the eye doctor and I got glasses. When we came outside with my new glasses on I said- "wow! I can see all the leaves on the trees!" I still remember the wonder of seeing so much detail so far away. My mom felt terrible. Poor thing- she didn't know! I didn't even know that such detailed sight was possible so how could I tell her? I think that was the day my "artistic" soul blossomed- with so much more beauty in the world available to me. ((((hugs))))

[Linda]

OMG! Yes! dogs like to eat reading glasses! Mine ate 3 pair. Only remedy I've found; learn to put them away, like in a drawer, in the kitchen and living room and bedroom and in your purse. Yes. eventually you will have fortyeleven pairs because you won't remember where you put them last and then theres that pair on your head! Welcome to my world.

[Linda T.]

I have to add- when my son was in 1st grade, he had a horrible woman for a teacher that made me cry at a parent teacher conference. I was going through a divorce and Zeff was acting out at school a bit and she was really nasty to me when I explained what was going on at home. Don't let that bitch get you down. You are a fine Mom, and you know it. She is the one with a problem!

[Pseudo]

Don't put up with that crap. YOU are paying HER.

[missy]

There are lots of optometrists in this area. Perhaps it's time to try a new one. There is no reason to scold and belittle parents and patients. What a terrible experience.

[Mama Dawg]

Oh, man. Been there, done that.

[karen]

WOW. I couldn't even keep my comments quiet while i was reading. You didn't say anything worse? I would of walked out... after a few choice words

[Heather]

Huh. I hope she's perfect.

I remember when I got contacts (opted for those right away instead of glasses) in 8th grade. I walked into our house and could see the texture in the carpet. It was a revelation. And my eyes weren't even that bad.

I don't think anyone is at fault here. I didn't know that I wasn't seeing well. You just are used to how you see and assume that it's fine.

I can't stand it when people try to make others feel guilty, especially when they know nothing about you.

[Midlife Mama]

Hmmm....I'm thinking a change of doctors is in order. I am appalled that during RC's reaction to the laser imprinting thing, that the staff "just stood there." That's terrible!! Shame on them.

[Kristan]

LOL WOW, mean optometrist. But at least the whole family can see again!

In fact, wait a minute, shouldn't she be HAPPY you guys all need her so much?

[sometimessophia]

Changing doctors sounds like a good plan... That way everybody will be up to date when y'all go back a couple years from now to have your prescriptions corrected. Wretched doctor, negligent staff... ditch 'em. Tell the new doc you just moved to the area.

[Sarah]

My kids only went to the eye doctor because in order to enter kindergarden now in Illinois you now have to have an eye test.

I would have hit her with a eye chart :)

[Wunderwoman]

What a bitch!! Dump her and her worthless staff.

[Lo]

Linda T. has got it right- i got glasses when i was eight. holy hell, you mean, you can SEE RAINDROPS on the WINDOWS? no shit!!! and then when i got CONTACTS? oh holy hell, there was nothing more amazing. no peripheral headaches.

my mom didn't know. my teachers had to tell her. and my dad is BLIND AS A BAT. no. joke. you're not a bad mom. you're a mom who's been dealt a frickin HANDFUL in the past few years and hello? the kid has straigth a's. he 'fields the ball' (whatever the hell that means) and.. how were you supposed to know there was a problem?

seriously. how old was this woman? i would've been like, bitch? my son is a stumblin' drunk. ever thought to ASK PERMISSION before 'laser imprinting' (ugh creepy!!!) his eyes??? you monster?

[Christine]

Wow. Shame on her for acting like that, and shame on the employees for not helping RC. They need to be reminded that YOU are paying THEIR salary.

[Sandra]

I'm laughing at Lo's comment on the raindrops. I was in 4th grade when I got glasses. I couldn't see the multiplcation cards the teacher was holding out in the middle of the classroom. I was so amazed when I saw leaves on the trees, blades of grass! OMG it was awesome!

Personally, I think a 13 year old is old enough to tell you they can't see clearly. How could you know? He certainly didn't behave as if he couldn't see, so go easy on yourself.

As for the Doctor....I'd have had a few choice words for her and NEVER go back to that office again.

[San Diego Momma]

What's that saying? Something like "well I may be old, but I can get glasses for that, there's nothing you can do for bitchy."

Or something.

Not that you're old.

[Lynn K.]

I don't have much to add here, but I have had glasses since third grade, bifocals for over 10 years and I still can't see right. Oh and I got bifocals at 35.

You are a fine mom : )

[Lori]

This does not make you a bad mom. How were you suppose to know if he wasn't saying anything? It's not like he had been telling you things like "I can't see the board."
That doctor had no business treating you like that. Time to find a different doctor!

[Alan]

This tells me one thing...I have to remember to get my kids eyes' checked often! LOL

What the heck was up with that beyotch of a doctor? After the age of 12, I would imagine your kids can tell you when they can or can't see, are hurting or are hungry. But maybe I'm wrong...

[jennster]

so- i was totally legally blind in one eye (still am). i had NO idea because my other eye worked so hard to counter it. so when i went for my driver's license eye test at school, i failed my one eye. like couldn't see shit. and they said the same thing- how was i playing second base? how was i hiting the ball. that there was NO way i should be not only be seeing it... but seeing it correctly. it was crazy. when i got my contact (that's right.. ONE contact) and i went to walk down some stairs i think i said to my mom something in the effect of, holy shit- these stairs are like 3 d. basically, i don't think i had ANY depth perception anymore.

and the bad thing- mentally it really fucked with my head knowing that i SHOULDN't be able to see the ball and stuff. i liked it better when i didn't know anything was "wrong" with me.

[Smart Mouth Broad]

I was picturing the cartoon "you" shooting her.

[MLS]

It's not so bad needing reading glasses, as long as you buy 14 pair so you have them sitting all over the house and in your car where you can find them. :)