Death by Fighter Jet

Did you hear the one about ...?

On Monday a Canadian man stole a Cessna airplane from a flight school in Canada and flew it into American airspace.  At the time I was on Twitter discussing important things such as Neil Kramer's love of cleavage and/or his desire to be a Mommy Blogger (I don't remember which) with people all over the world.  

Or perhaps it was only with Neil and one or two other bloggers.

What?  My life is important and has value!

Breaking News kept sending me alarming updates about the stolen aircraft and it's potential to bring doom and other bad things to the United States.  U.S. fighter jets pursued the Cessna and the news updates warned the plane might be shot down at any moment.  

Initially there were reports the Cessna was headed towards the Wisconsin state capitol.  I put an immediate Twitter alert out to my followers advising them the pilot obviously had issues with Wisconsin cheese and was about to take his revenge.  The Wisconsin state capitol building was evacuated as a precautionary matter which makes it clear the authorites agreed with me.

Everyone knows California cheese is best and all cows want to be California cows.  (The California Milk Advisory Board tells us so in commercials aired here in California all the time!)

The fighter jets attempted to communicate with the pilot of the Cessna to no avail. Certainly, he didn't want to discuss his deep-rooted Cheese Issues over the dispatch.

The pilot ended up flying through six states before he landed the plane in Missouri.  Upon landing the plane on U.S. Highway 60 at 9:50 p.m. ET, the thief/pilot walked to a nearby convenience store and bought himself a Gatorade.  He was quoted as saying he was relieved his ordeal was over.

I'm not sure, but I think he might have also bought himself some crackers and Missouri cheese (?) to snack on at the same time.

Does Missouri have cheese?  I mean, cheese of their own?  I have a lot of readers in Missouri so I know someone will enlighten me on Missouri cheese making, and perhaps even on Missouri cows.  (Missouri cows must have Cow Envy because all cows want to be Caifornia cows!)

Apparently the U.S. Military determined early on that the errant pilot was not a terrorist, but they were unclear as to his intentions.  Thus, they didn't shoot him out of the sky and instead "escorted" his flight in the event it became necessary to shoot him down after all.

I don't mean to make light of the unmistakable psychological problems of the Cessna pilot, but it's hard not to.  Once he was arrested, he acknowledged it had been his hope the F-16s would shoot him out of the air.  The Cessna theft was an attempt by the pilot for death by fighter jet.

Really?

Death by fighter jet?

Wouldn't it be much easier to swallow a bunch of pills in the privacy of your own home?  Or pull out Uncle Leroy's hunting rifle and just be done with it?  Who chooses a fighter jet to commit suicide by?

Maybe it's because I have an innate fear of flying, but why would anyone choose to be shot at when they're 30,000 feet above the ground?  That's a long, long, way to fall even if you're already dead.

There's got to be an easier way to go ....

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[sherendipity]

Dude, when we Canadians want to do something, we want to do it with DRAMA!!
No boring 'ole suicides for us.

[Hallie]

But had he JUST swallowed pills, he wouldn't have made the news!!! Obviously this dude wanted to go out with a bang....literally and figuratively!

Hallie

[Pseudo]

I love the California cows commercials.

Hope your garage situation is back to somthing close to normal.

{{{HUGS}}}

[Linda]

California cows are happy cows. Or at least that's what the tell us in the commercials aired here in the south:)

[Alan]

This blog is very odd. Where is the boob sunburns and the naked hallway walks? Death by jet? Weird...

[Jan]

What a pansy! He knew no one was going to shoot him down. Grandstanding, that's all that was.

Hmph. Look, take a handful of pills, chase it with a pint of whiskey, tape up all the cracks in your garage and turn on the car.

Do we have to draw you a diagram here???

[Midlife Slices]

Yep, the guy was just wanting to make the news. Maybe he should be disputing the claim that California cows are the happiest. That would get CA's attention.

Every time I see those commercials I wonder if it's a recruitment ploy to get me to send my cows west. I'm thinking the earthquakes might shake them up so I'm keeping them here.

[Kelly]

30,000 feet is a long way to fall even when your already dead! hee hee!

LOVE the calif cow commercials!

Cow envy?

Cheese issues?

Still smiling!

[Sandra]

This is a great post.

The cows in my neighborhood are definitely happy. I see them wagging their tails and smiling all the time.

LOL at the Gatorade part. That cracked me up.

[emmysuh]

There's cheese everywhere, so far as I know.

Death by jet plane or whatever is pretty bad ass.

[karen]

hahaha i was wondering what that tweet was about. 7yr old has been found quoting the cow commercials. haha

[Amy in StL]

I can't believe I'm the first one to confirm that Missouri does indeed have both cows and cheese made in state. In fact, St. Louis style pizza is known for being cracker thin and for having provel cheese on it - which apparently other pizzas do not. here's my favorite local cheese company: http://www.hautly.com/

[Mike]

When I grow up I want to be a California cow because California cows are happy cows. And maybe that guy wanted to commit suicide because he only knew wisconsin cows or something.

[Neil]

I believe if every man had enough cleavage to look at and enjoy, he wouldn't do crazy things like steal planes or start wars.

[Midlife Mama]

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around his delusion that a Cessna is a fighter jet.... Hmmmm...

[Mel]

Missouri has cows! Missouri has cheese!!

[Kate]

I'm laughing at a mans attempt at suicide. Is that wrong? Or is it just wrong of you to make it sound so ludicrous? In either case, thanks for the laugh!

[mama llama]

I'm sorry. Tillamook Cheese is IT.

Got stuck in the cheese. Maybe a little wine will help me out.

I'll be back.

Be well, 24.

[Lisa]

Really funny things go thru your mind. I'm glad you share them with us! :)