There's Always a Twist

Life is funny sometimes.

Last week I was worried about what I would write about during my surgery recovery.  I knew my life would border on coma-inducing boredom for a few weeks.  My big event each day is taking a shower and smiling at my new (still taped up) boobs in the bathroom mirror as I do so.  Showering exhausts me to the point of needing a nap.  And so goes my recovery ....

I mean, really, what could possibly happen in my always-eventful life if I am just sitting at home day after day?

I just don't think it's possible for me to have a boring life ... or week, for that matter.  Out of the blue, after twenty years of no contact, I got an email from my old college boyfriend this week.  Do any of you remember when I wrote about him (Big Weenie) last March?

Since Big Weenie's initial contact this week we've exchanged a few emails.  I've got to say the whole back-in-touch thing feels surreal.  People from my past live on in my memory as if time has stood still, but now reality has burst my bubble and reminded me I'm not twenty anymore.  For that matter, neither is Big Weenie.

By the way, he's married; I'm married.  

Big Weenie has three kids; I have three kids.

My kids are nearly grown and his are babies.

(For the record, he's older than I am.  I feel a strong need to point that out.)

Big Weenie found me via Facebook.  I opened a facebook account a long time ago, and had never looked at it again.  I simply don't have the time for facebook, twitter, writing 24, and my real life.  Nonetheless, he found me and his email asked, "Want to catch up?"

It's been twenty years ... do you want to catch up?

Inexplicably I felt the urge to laugh and cry at the exact same instant, and yet I don't understand why.

Modern technology is a funny thing, isn't it?  A person's current reality and past can collide in an instant.

I gave Big Weenie a link to Twenty Four At Heart.  The next day I got another email saying he had logged on to 24 and read about my accident.  It had shaken him up quite a bit.

I know a lot of you have had similar experiences.  I've read about people finding lost family members via the Internet.  Some of you have written me emails about reconnecting with old friends and boy/girlfriends after many years of no contact.

I guess I'm looking for feedback today.  Is it a good thing?  Have you had a similar experience?  What are the positives?  What are the negatives?  At what point does it feel normal and stop feeling so surreal.

And, oh yeah, hi Big Weenie!  I hope you still have a sense of humor.  Welcome to Twenty Four At Heart.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Joanne]

So I guess that today Big Weenie will find out that you remember him as a big weenie. Right in the middle of his bout of compassion for your poor injured, Ta-Ta reduced self ??!hee hee, how fun! you're still a heartbreaker!

[Hallie]

We have reconnected with my husbands birth mom which has been mostly a good thing.

We KNOW who my Dad's donor family is and that they are on FB but have NOT reached out to them out of respect. We'd like to but that's their choice, not ours.

Hallie
http://www.firstgiving.com/hallietwomey

[Lori]

Have never done it so have no wisdom for you. I am not on facebook even though I have considered it to keep in touch with family and friends. I would have mixed feelings about reconnecting with an old boyfriend from my past. I suppose it would depend on how my relationship ended with him. How does your husband feel about it? I know some spouses would be against it although I don't think mine would care. Good luck with this. I think it would be fun to reconnect with someone from the past, especially if they fun and someone that I shared good memories with.

[Kristan]

I SO want him to comment and sign it "Big Weenie"...

[Maureen at IslandRoar]

I know I've reconnected with some cousins and sorority sisters from college on Facebook. I think it's good, but I know what you mean. It removes a certain element of mystery from our memories and our lives.

[tonya cinnamon]

it can be both good and bad depending on who the person is and what kind of relationship you had with them at the time. say for instance had a horrid relationship with a guy and he treated you like shit if he now after all these years wanted to be *friends* on face book i would hit ignore cause to me it dredges up all sorts of bad memories.
but if its old friends and family that you all got on well then yeah .
but like on facebook i have certain personal things marked on certain people so they cant view it.cuase there just some things you done want your family knowing.lol

[Kelly]

I think it's a good thing to stay in touch w/people who were important to our past. You both have families, no one is pursuing anything. It's natural to be curious about people and what their lives have turned out like. The feelings of the past catching up to you and weirdness will go away with a little time. It's just the initial shock. If you dated that long he must be a decent person. Just bring spouses if you ever decide to really connect so they feel confident about it.

[Beth Christians]

I've had good and so-so experiences with old boyfriend contact.

I did get to reconnect with my best "boy" friend from high school and this has been awesome!

Then there was the high school sweetheart contact "gag" he hasn't changed since he was 16 and thankfully after a few time ignoring him...he went away!

Good Luck!!

[Sandi]

My entire life unraveled and changed the day I caught up with my old boyfriend. I DON'T recommend it! But, I will never pass judgement and will be right here, waiting for you, if and when you need a shoulder to cry on.

[Linda]

My ex-husband & I got back in touch about 5 years after the divorce. It wasn't too weird. I guess we both had grown up. We were 19 & 20 when we married, 23 & 25 when we divorced. We actually met up at a neutral location and had a very nice weekend. As FRIENDS! I swear!

[churchpunkmom]

As long as you know you can go about it with caution and exercising good judgement.. then go for it. If not? DON'T.

[Deb]

I'm in touch w/a couple old boyfriends via facebook. After the initial weirdness (which doesn't last long) it becomes no big deal. I think its kind of healthy as long as no one is trying to recapture their past.

[Smart Mouth Broad]

You are a brave woman, 24 and I salute you! Inviting an old bf to your blog. Yes, very brave! LOL

[Dana Austin]

Being new to this blog, I've just now read Big Weenie. Awww, what a great story! My heart broke for your daughter's boyfriend. That, I've experienced before....trying to mend the heart of my son's ex, then not long ago my daughter's recent ex. I vowed never to become attached again.

As to your current situation -- I say go for it and see Big Weenie. I've recently reconnected at a 30th reunion and have had the best time. It's both surreal and very comfortable to be around people who knew you when. You can look at how the world has shaped them, and appreciate everything they've become. You also realize there was far more you didn't appreciate back when you had the chance, simply because the world hadn't yet shaped you.

[avasmommy]

I have had both good and bad experiences getting back in touch w/ people from my past.

I felt much the same as you. In my mind's eye people I went to school with were still 18, the same age as they were the last time I saw them. It shocked me to see they had children who were teenagers. Am I really that old? After getting over the initial shock, the surreal aspect has started to wear off. Some of them I will stay in contact with, because they were nice then, and are still that way.

Others, well, not so much. The bullies on the playground don't change much as they get older. They just find more inventive ways to torment.

[Beautiful Wreck]

Well, I can relate to all this because Mr. Meeker, a commenter on my blog, is my highschool sweetheart. I was deeply, madly in love with him. We were together several years, were the very best of friends and I was very close to his family. Our demise was hard on both of us. We tried to be friends, and it was too difficult - especially when he fell in love with someone else.
There was some things left unsaid, and baggage - and some of that has been aired out since we have reconnected. There have been things I haven't thought about, grief I had not expressed until all these years later. It has been surreal and there has been some healing.
I have become good friends with his fiancee and I am actually helping with their wedding planning. Talk about surreal! They ate dinner at our house a month ago and that was odd! But it was good all at the same time, and my heart was happy.
He is the one person who has seen the very best and very worst of me. My husband of sixteen years was never a witness to my innocence and he has never been a victim of my crazy wrath like Mr. Meeker. I have to say the rekindling of our friendship is in many ways like going back home - reminding of me of how far I have come and how everything works out as it is meant to be.

Damn this was a long comment.

[Michele P]

So far, I've had nothing but good experiences reconnecting with old friends on FB. I am not connected to any old boyfriends, though, so can't add anything there. My college boyfriend, who I was obsessed with for 3 years, LIVES DOWN THE DAMN STREET FROM ME. I ran into him & his Barbie-doll wife when I had just had son #2 (not looking my best). When I glanced at him, not realizing who it was, my first thought was, "He's hot, I'll bet he's dumb". He had traded in his college beer-body for a totally ripped one. And, believe it or not, I didn't care. He was still the silly boy that he was in college, but older and with a family now. :-)

[Sandra]

I have several ex's who I am in touch with on FB and email. To my knowledge they don't know about my blog but my blog is also very very dull compared to yours.

I always felt proud of myself that I remained friends w/ex's. Of course there is the initial negative feelings when the break up occurs, especially if both sides weren't in agreement, but given the time and effort put into that relationship it only seems right that if things weren't so bad (physical or emotional abuse) you could remain friends for life.

[Mama Dawg]

With the exception of one person finding me that I didn't want to, it's been a fun ride!

[Mike]

I've connected with a ton of people on FB. Its been all good.

[Jan]

I have a love/hate relationship with FaceBook. I love it because yes, I'm finding people I went to school with...and they look like shit. (Yes, I'm fully aware how bad I am.)

I hate it because I don't have enough time for it, and I know it's going to fall to the wayside, just like Twitter.

[Tricia]

I run away fast.

[Alan]

I have 3 former girlfriends on Facebook and all 3 of them are very cool. When he says reconnect, is it possible he just wants to see how you are doing or are you assuming he wants to meet and have a "reconnect" (so to speak). I am a huge advocate of Facebook and I think it's a fantastic tool to keep in touch with past and present friends! But I'm kind of a geek like that. Twitter, on the other hand, I am not really getting...go figure...

[Life with Kaishon]

You know whats funny? I don't really give out the link to my blog to people I actually know. Isn't that wierd. My best friend never reads it. I used to tell her all the time that I was posting about the girls or something and she just didn't fall in love with the whole blogging phenom like I did.

At any rate, Big Weenie sounds like a nice ex boyfriend. He has a great nick name. How could anyone not like that name? : )

[Fragrant Liar]

I think it all depends. If it's someone you'd enjoy catching up with, it's a good thing. If the memories aren't so great and you don't want to relive them, what's the point. I suspect, like I hear happens a lot, you might catch up with your friend and then kind of drift apart again over time.

I think it's cool, though, if people can stay in touch. You have a shared history at some point in your lives, and it's just kind of nice to have somebody else who can say "remember when?" and it all feels the more real cuz after a really lo-o-o-ong time, you start to wonder.