Well Endowed Men

** I will be in Charlotte, North Carolina this Friday, August 21st.  Anyone in the area is invited to join me at a very happy (!) Happy Hour at Roosters in the South Park area.  I will be arriving there around 4:30 in the afternoon and I may not leave until closing.  : )  If you need more details please email me at [email protected] **

I apologize in advance.  This post on Well Endowed Men ended up being longer than I expected.  <snort!>

As you know, I've had Well Endowed Men (WEM) on my mind lately.

"Why 24?" you ask, so innocently.

Well, it began when I was on the beach in Hawaii.  No, I wasn't checking out all the men walking by.  Well, not overly checking them out.  Instead, I overheard a conversation between two women who were sunbathing next to me on Kaanapali Beach one day.

Mind you, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop.  At least, I wasn't trying to at first.  After awhile I couldn't resist.  One of the women was sharing with her girlfriend how BIG her boyfriend is.  He's not big in the sense of being 6'4" tall and a body builder.  Well, maybe he is.  I'm not sure what his body is like.  She wasn't talking about that kind of bigness.  Apparently, he's very, very, well endowed in the male equipment department. 

Put bluntly, the man's got a big cock. 

I wanted to ask her, "How big is he?" but then she would have known I could hear their conversation.  

I was curious.

We will have to use our imaginations.

This woman, however, was not a satisfied customer of Mr. Big.  She went on for a good twenty minutes about how a) he doesn't even try to please her in the bedroom b) how he expects her to "worship" his LARGENESS and c) she can't possibly please him with a blow job because he's, um, more than a mouthful and blah, blah, blah.  She went on and on nonstop about his SIZE and her issues with it.

By the way, "more than a mouthful" were her words, not mine.

Her comments reinforced the stereotype many people have about Bigger is Not Necessarily Better.  Maybe there are men out there who are extremely well endowed and know how to please their partner, but maybe not.  Extremely big dicks alone do not make a man a good lover.  

What?  Do men think the world should just be grateful for their size?

I decided I should do some research.

Stop laughing. 

I mentioned in Friday's post, I'd like to interview any Well Endowed Men who'd be up for it (so to speak ... ) via email over the weekend.  I also put a Twitter request out for WEM.  In response, two men offered to answer my questions and be a spokesman for Well Endowed Men everywhere.  A huge (how huge?) thank you to OnlyAMan and TheMuskrat for volunteering to put it out there for you.

<snicker>

My interview questions are in bold print.  The men's responses follow.  "O" signifies the response from OnlyAman and "M" signifies the response from The Muskrat.  (Yes, these are their bloggy names.  I don't think M's birth certificate really says The Muskrat on it.)  In some cases I've had to edit their responses ever so slightly.

1. When did you first realize you had more to offer than other men?

O:  My dad would talk about John Holmes and how he was well endowed and then snicker.  He never really came out saying it, but he made sure I knew I needed bigger pants. 

M:  When I was around 12 or so and was smaller than all my peers, my folks took me to an endocrinologist to figure out why and whether I'd ever be 6'3'' like my Dad.  Part of the exam involved looking at my package to see if I'd started puberty or not.  When the doc finished her brief look, walked outside into the hall, and then summoned a couple of the Vanderbilt medical students to, "come see this anomalous penis!" I knew all was well for the young Muskrat.  

2.  Does IT get in the way when you walk?

O:  At first it did .. when playing sports I had to get longer shorts than everyone else on the team.  I noticed when swimming that others would be looking at me 'down there' and I had to get swim shorts with a sturdier material to hide it.  I've had to get a wider cut of pants.  I've gotten used to it.   

M:  Not so much when walking or running as when swimming.  I wear Under Armour boxer briefs, so all is well while terrestrial.  But in the water, the drag coefficient is just horrendous.

<24 stops typing until she can get her laughter under control!>

3.  Do you ever wish you were smaller?

O:  NO!  I don't wish I was smaller - I am happy with how I've been blessed.  : )

M:  Did Einstein ever wish he was dumber?  What the hell kind of question is that? 

4.  There's a stereotype that Well Endowed Men aren't really very good in bed.  Is this true?  (Rumor has it they think just being present in all their BIGNESS is enough and their partner should do all the work.)

O:  At first I did think that.  Then my wife said move and I did.  Now she's happy.  A lot.

M:  That's fucking ridiculous.  I've been asked to pay for surgical removal of permanent smiles before.   

5.  Do you think a well endowed man is more sexual than a smaller man?

O:  No.  I think a smaller man gets the same amount of sex but in proportion.  It may seem like less but it's not.

M:  People with strong legs like to run and jump.  People with strong deductive reasoning skills like to work puzzles.  Guys with giant johnsons like to fuck. 

6.  How big is big?

O:  Think of the guy who built the Empire State building .. and the guy who built the Sears Tower just to be bigger .. and then Donald Trump who is building a bigger tower.  Well, they all have inverted penises that match compensation value of their ego vs. their penis size divided by pi.  Which means they're big douche bags.  I don't know why I'm saying this.  I'm just big ... or so I'm told.  

M: Bun length hot dogs arouse my feelings of sympathy.    

7.  Do you try to please your sexual partners or do you think they should just be grateful for Your Largeness?

O:  I aim to please.  I am not about myself.  I do what I do and that's all I'm going to say about that.

M:  There is no "try."  There is only "do." 

8.  When you're in public do people ever notice and/or stare at your package?

O:  Yes!  Especially when it's wrapped in brown paper and wrapped in string ... Oh wait!  That package!  Yes - this is why I hate going swimming in public and wearing pants that are too tight.

M:  As much as I would like to wear my old highschool wrestling singlet to court, I don't.  I don't wear the type of clothing that would allow people the opportunity to stare.  Most straight men don't.

9.  Do you want them to?

O:  I used to but now I don't care.  My wife notices all the time and she's the only one who matters.

M:  I want them to notice my enormous hands and feet instead. 

10.  What happens if you're too big for your partner?

O:  I was told that sometimes it hurts, but most of the time it's fine.  And that's a quote.

M:  Either, Open up and say 'Ahhhh'! or you're fired.  

11.  What's the BEST thing being well endowed has added to your life?

O:  Everywhere I go a lot of men want autographs signed by my penis.  (Actually, I don't think it's added a lot to my life but my wife sure enjoys it.)

M:  Besides hearing, "Wow, you have a nice dick!" from more than one woman upon introducing it to her?   Knowing I could change my name to Pete Peckler and make some great films. 

12.  What's the WORST thing being well endowed has created/caused in your life?

O:  True story:  I was peeing in a urinal and let go of it and it dipped.  Not fun.

M:  Lawsuits for impersonating Ron Jeremy's likeness.  Until they realize how much handsomer I am (and less hairy). 

Well ....  

I don't think I can add a thing to the answers of these two men.  Also, I don't think I can stop laughing long enough to top anything they've said.  (Why does every sentence sound dirty all of a sudden?  Top them?)

Once again, a monstrous <snicker> thank you to OnlyAMan and TheMuskrat.   

** You can read a follow-up to this post by clicking here. ** 

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Deidre]

HAHAHAh drag coefficient...(anyone else get pictures of drag queens? No? ahem)...

Also, aren't these guys just a wee bit cocky (yeah, I went there...)? Jeesh.

[Alan]

It's a lot of responsibility. You have to be careful where you put it, how you use it and when you allow it out to play. And that's all I got to say about that...

[muskrat]

These dudes are a couple of arrogant perverts!

Incidentally, after responding to these, I asked the Mrs about the pain thing, and she said "yes," which made me feel a little guilty. And it reminded me of that Morgan Freeman film, "Deep Impact."

[sometimessophia]

Well, that was a deep subject. Let's hear from the pencil dicks next... ;)

[Kelly]

ROFLMAO! OMG! So funny. Yes, Deidre's right these men are cocky! : )

[churchpunkmom]

I agree, Muskrat.. arrogant perverts, indeed!

*snicker* cocky men...

[LPC]

You are watching "Hung", aren't you? I mean, aren't you?

[missy]

No clever double meanings here - just thanks for the funny Monday morning laughs.

[Kate]

Thanks for the laugh(s). Hilarious!

[Jane]

All I can say is, really? Really?? Because the average vagina is 4.5 inches in length, and the length to the cervix is an average of 6 inches. And you know what happens when the cervix is poked? PAIN. Lots and lots of pain.

I suggest lesbianism and pretty blue vibrators that look like dolphins.

[Only Aman]

@muskrat - you ever come across a hung jury?

Thanks TwentyFour for the opportunity to make my presence known on your blog in a BIG way.

[Joan]

I predict an increase in traffic and in the number of hits for these two fine specimens. I'm sure there's a joke in there someplace, but I haven't got time to find it!

[TentCamper]

I just can't believe that you did not interview me. I am hurt!!!

[Jill]

"the drag coefficient is just horrendous"

LMAO!

[Staceylt]

This is totally funny. There is such a thing as too big, and I have encountered it. I have lots to say on this subject, but then I would end up looking like a slut. So in the interest of maintaining my spotless online reputation, I'll shut up now.

[The Queen of Chaos]

My King and I are laughing... a LOT! Thanks for making our day a little errr much happier!!

[Sandra]

That was great. I enjoyed the mans point of view.

[Mike]

Either, Open up and say 'Ahhhh'! or you're fired.

Spewed coffee all over my monitor!

[The Peach Tart]

This was my first time to your site and what a great first encounter. I do prefer men of the well endowed kind and luckily Mr. Peach Tart is.

I will definitely be back to read more of your posts.

[Tina]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

[Jan]

My first thought is that TheMuskrat should call himself TheAsshat. A bit smug, aren't we?

There is no try? Sweet bleedin' Jesus - even things you are good at deserve an *effort*.

[Deb]

Nice. Did you check for credentials to be sure they were peacocking with integrity, though?

Hoping this the start of a series!

[Avitable]

What a bunch of junk.

A cock of shit?

[missy]

Had to add another comment after reading the accumulated comments from throughout the day - You have a funny bunch of readers whose writing is hilarious! Good job 24 readers.

[mommymae]

i don't believe a word of it.

i require proof.

[Zoeyjane]

Doods. The pain thing really does hurt bad. Except for when it hurts so good. I now know too much about blogger penii.

[Fragrant Liar]

Funny guys. I can appreciate the humor in this piece, 24.

Have to say though, experienced here. Just cuz you have Gigantor doesn't mean you know how to use it. Me and every friend who's encountered a guy with that much junk in his trunks will attest to that fact.

Still, 24, I was hoping for pics. :)

[Julie @ Angry Julie Monday]

I know you don't check your stats, but seriously, I'm dying to search the search words today...

Is it bad that this post gave me lots of visuals...oh my eyes!!!

It's a good thing I have my own office at work. People would wonder why I'm laughing so hard.

[Lori]

LOL! LOL over the comments too!

[Sophmom]

What an amazing post to run into on what started as just another work day. Oh, my!

[generic viagra]

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