Cars Are Getting Smarter But I'm Not

For about ten days I've had a minor problem with my car.  Whenever I turn, the signal indicator has been going berserk.  Berserk!  It clicks at about 100 mph and flashes at me repeatedly until I feel a strong need to put blinders on to block it out.  

While driving.

I thought both indicators were broken.  (Do you call them signal indicators?  Because I call them BLINKERS.)  It was driving me (get it?) nuts.  I must be a little OCD or something because I found it really annoying. 

 

I started playing with my blinkers intentionally <blush> yesterday and that's when I realized only the right one was broken.

Do you play with your own blinkers too?

(Sorry, I couldn't resist!  Can you tell I'm on pain meds?  Only half of one pill, but it does affect my writing, don't ya think?  Plus, it makes me get very cozy with parentheses!  Also?  I need to live up to my reputation as a SEX WRITER.)

() () ()

My week is overbooked so I had made no attempt to take my car in to get the blinker fixed.  Also, because I'm so mechanical, I had decided my car must need a new fuse.

Stop laughing.

I had a car that needed a fuse once and now whenever something goes wrong, I assume my car needs a fuse.   It's very reasonable.  

Especially with blinky things.

Being a car mechanic is really not my thing.

I had just finished up with an appointment yesterday when I noticed a car dealership matching my car's very make across the street.  I had a half hour to spare so I decided to drive over and beg them to change the fuse for me.

The guys who work at (most) car dealerships are vultures.  I think I speak for the majority of women when I say we don't like being ogled as if we're naked when we show up to have our cars worked on.  I'm an adult woman and it shouldn't make me uncomfortable, but it does.  Car Men have the ability to strip off every ounce of clothing a woman wears with only their eyes.  It's disconcerting.

(Not only that, they perform deviant sexual acts on us with their eyes too.)

Anyway, Car Man approached me upon my arrival.  After checking out my cleavage, he asked me what he could do for me.  I hopped into my car, turned it on and showed him the Blinker Gone Berserk.  

"It needs a new fuse," I informed him.

He smirked.

"You need a new light bulb," he said.

A light bulb?  

Apparently, my car is very smart.  It is, in fact, much smarter than I am.  It knew my front signaling light had burned out and it was going berserk trying to tell me.  Unfortunately, no one ever taught me how to speak Blinker.  We had a communication breakdown.

Car Man told me it would take about a half hour to change the light bulb.  I agreed to wait, all the while wondering why it would take thirty minutes to change one effing light bulb.

I sat in the waiting area being ogled by more Car Men.  I was the only woman there.  I tried to act like I didn't notice the Car Men.  I played with my Blackberry a lot.  I kept pulling my top up to better cover my cleavage. 

I have a theory:  Less Cleavage = Fewer Car Men Hanging Around.

An hour later, Car Man reappeared and told me my car was being washed "as a courtesy" and it would be ready in ten minutes.  I was tired of waiting, but hey - free car wash!  The Money Town Car Wash costs $20.  Waiting a few more minutes wouldn't be the end of the world.  Who doesn't like to save twenty bucks?

A few other Car Men decided to take their break sitting just a few feet away from me.  I ignored them.  They stared lasciviously.  You would think they'd never seen a female before.  Honestly, is there a rule that you must be a boar of a man to be a Car Man?

Thirty minutes later I impatiently looked up from my Blackberry.  Two Car Men remained seated across from me.  They stared shamelessly as if I was stripped down naked for their entertainment.  I'd had enough.  

"Stop staring at me!" I said firmly, staring at them defiantly.

One of the men raised his eyebrows in surprise.  He turned and looked at his friend.

"She doesn't like us looking at her," he said to Car Man #2.

Car Man #2 grinned, exposing his tobacco stained teeth.

"But she's purrrrrrrrdy!" said Car Man #2 with a grin.

I got up and walked out of the room.

I went to the cashier's office and asked if I could please pay and get my car.  The cashier didn't have my paperwork yet.  I waited for another twenty minutes while she tracked it down.  Once she had my paperwork she informed me she needed my signature.  

There was no charge for the new light bulb.  

There was no charge for the two hours of "labor" it took to change the light bulb.

There was no charge for the car wash.

I lost two hours of my day.  I left feeling a strong need for a shower.  As I drove out of the car dealership on my way home, my signal indicator once again blinked at me calmly and lovingly.

An hour later, I was still wondering ...

How many Car Men does it take to change one light bulb?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Jan]

I guess they figured 2 hours and your dignity was payment enough. *shakes head*

[Joanne]

listen girlfriend, even though I dont get drooled over anymore, I was smirking at "a half hour to spare" and "get my signal fixed" in the same sentence!A hard, fast rule is this..... you will not, under any circumstances be out of there in less than two hours..... EVER!

[dogmother]

I HATE dealerships and never, ever give them my business. I will show you how to change the bulb! 10 minutes, tops....what a waste of freakin time! Sheeesh.

[di]

Hmmm, I wonder if it's just California car guys that do that. Perhaps in the 'how to be a car fixer upper guy' manual??

Di

[Deidre]

Um, as someone with no cleavage - they still stare at you! What is with Car Men?

I had a Car Man change my lightbulb (ahem...that's what she said) - it took him five minutes and he performed the job solo...like he did last night? Ok, I am done here.

[[email protected]]

It must be part of their training, it's universal. What I hate even more is how nice and wide-eyed I sometimes act around mechanics and repair men; like I'm afraid if I'm assertive or bitchy they'll really screw me (not sure that pun is intended or not).

[Alan]

I'm a guy and going to get my car worked on is one of the most stressful things I do. And I don't even have boobs! Can't imagine what it must be like for a woman...

P.S. LOVE the ending! Very nice...

[Kristan]

That's why I like my dealer: I DON'T feel awkward or harrassed or cheated there. (Jake Sweeney Jeep Dodge, for anyone in the Cincy area.)

But hey, free work is good work, right?! One would hope... :P

Glad you and your blinker (ahem) are on good terms again.

[LPC]

Car Men = Deliverance for Girls.

[Grace]

I guess the "payment" for the bulb change was their ability to check out your rack, eh?

I found out about the crazy blinker business a couple years ago. Thankfully my husband changed it out for me, so I didn't have to visit the darn dealer.

[Pseudo]

Mercury is in retrograde. I heard it affects cars too...

[The Queen of Chaos]

I'm sorry, that behavior is uncalled for. I'd be calling the Manager and placing a complaint.

That said, you got the bulb changed for free and a car wash ... bonus??

[Kirsten Wright]

Ok, being the wife of a mechanic (note, not THE mechanic, just A mechanic), I have the other side of this story for the wait time.

Here's what you heard:

Service guy to you: No problem, just 30 minutes and we'll get it done.

Here's what you didn't see happen:

Service guy to the tech's: Need the car in 30 mins.

Tech's to service guy: Um, we are all busy working on other cars. Why didn't you check with us before you told her 30 minutes??

Service guy: Cause I am an idiot who doesn't care if my tech's are busy, I want the car done now. (or something like that)

So then the car goes to a tech guy when he is free, hence the hour to change the bulb. And then it goes to get washed. Where there are 5 other cars waiting to get washed too.

Then the car and the paperwork leave the tech and go back to the service guy, where he dicks around for 30 minutes before sending the paperwork to the front desk bimbo where you then needed to sign it.

Which is why a light bulb takes 2 hours. It is almost never the tech that makes it take time, it is the lack of communication from the service guys to the tech...

As for the guys looking at you, that is uncalled for. But, if you worked somewhere, permanently surrounded by women and a hot guy walked in, you'd probably want to oogle him too, right?? You might not be as blatant, but there would certainly be some staring and talking...We are just like those guys, we are just more subtle.

And at the end of the day, at least you know you've still got it ;)

[NGS]

I call them "turn signals." Is that weird?

[Christine]

This is why I let my husband handle anything car related. (The good thing is he can do a lot of it himself.)

The blatant staring and convo between the two jerks was uncalled for, even if you didn't get charged for anything.

[Sandra]

I call them blinkers too.

And whatever with the guys all coming in to "view" you. How rude. You're not a whore. Oh Wait. You are a whore. Sorry. Forgot. :0)

[[email protected] Ecstasy]

I loved your post and it inspired mine. I "linked" back to yours via the URL above, but if you prefer that I use the trackback URL, I need a little help with it as I'm not exactly sure how to place it correctly. Is it blind(hidden) code inserted into the html code on the page or is it inserted with the highlighted and underlined text that indicates the link?