Not Fitting In - In the OC

I hadn't planned to write about this topic, but what the hell.  This entire week has been disrupted by one thing or another and at this point ... I'm just going to go with it.

You don't mind if I rant a little, do you?  I don't do it often and everyone needs a bit of a bitch session now and then.

Oh, and by saying my week has been disrupted, I mean unexpected things happened this week.  Things like needles inserted into my shoulder, no sleep due to sky-rocketing pain levels, swine flu for my son, and other general chaos like that.

I'm a 5th generation native Californian and yet there are times when I look at the people surrounding me here in Orange County and I wonder how the hell I got here.  Granted, not all of Orange County is quite as pretentious as the area I live in, but ....

I've been to several "functions" this week.  I've also been forced to socialize in informal settings far more than my introverted self is comfortable with.  I don't know why, at this point in my life, anything still surprises me.

This week alone I (so far) have had eight (8!) people ask me how much money I make writing Twenty Four At Heart.  Do I ask you how much money you make at your job or hobby?  No, I don't.  I don't because I learned at a very young age that it is exceedingly rude to inquire into other people's finances.

I realize a lot of people in Orange County are all about money, but really?  Next time I'm asked I'm going to make up some exorbitantly high figure and quote it right back at whoever asks.

If you asked me that question this week, you're rude.

Your welcome.

I was introduced to someone this week as "a sex writer."

This introduction was made in a snarky tone of voice with clear disapproval by the person introducing me.

Sex writer?

When did I become a porn writer?

Some of these OC bitches are a little uptight, don't ya think?

I've written about my perky boobs and therefore I've morphed into a porn writer?

The woman who said that?  I bet she's lousy in bed.  How much do you want to bet?  If you're prudish enough to think mentioning perky boobs equals pornography writing you can't be a good lay.

Just sayin' ...

By the way?  If I wanted to be a porn writer, I'd be a porn writer.  I'd also be a damned good one, because otherwise - why bother?

I'm not quite done with my rant yet.

Another one of Orange County's finest asked me in an accusatory tone when I was going "to make something of myself."

Apparently, in her eyes, I'm pretty worthless.

What would she like me to make of myself?

Do you suppose she made that comment because I'm *disabled* with only one fully functioning arm?

Or is it because I write 24 which is, in her opinion, clearly a waste of my life?

I wonder what, in her eyes, makes a person worthwhile vs. worthless.  Should I be making more money?  Should I have lots of plastic surgery so I look like all the other women around here?  Do I need to be a celebrity so I fit into the L.A. scene?

No thank you.

My life is far from perfect, but I'll take it the way it is.  Not only that ... but I like who I am.  I wonder if she can say the same?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Michelle]

Probably not. If she was happy with her life, she'd have a way different outlook! Maybe she wishes she had your life, but she probably doesn't have the tenacity to live it, like you do. I can picture her curled up in a ball in the corner, crying because she just can't do it AT ALL, rather than making the most of what she does have - unlike you!

It can be so hard to see the positive in everybody, and I think I just failed big time there.

Hope your week improves.

[Joanne]

DAMN! can't you just run when you see them eyeballing you? I am having a crappy week too. Thank God it's Thursday already!

[Deidre]

Rant on, sistah!

I can't believe people ask you how much money your website makes. That is horrific!

[Diamonique]

ohhhhhhhhh the money question is rude!!! As a surrogate mother I get shit load of rude questions and comments. w much do you get for selling the baby? Can you find another hobby. and so on and so forth. Not worth you time!!!

[Kate]

You go girl! There are a lot of uncouth people in this world.

[sometimessophia]

Down with snarks! Down with snarks!

And remember to answer a question with a question... like, "Didn't your mother teach you that it's rude to ask that kind question?"

Or maybe you should say that Dr. Ruth wants you to ghost write her biography? ;)

[[email protected]]

Bitches, all of them!
If you wanted to write porn, you'd be the best darned porn writer there ever was.
They're just jealous.
Hope the arm pain gets a little better...

[Kristan]

:( I'm so sorry people treat you like sh*t. But like you said, it is TOTALLY about them and their own internal issues, nothing to do with you, you're just the unfortunate victim.

Also sorry about the swine flu. I hope your son feels better soon!

[Carol S.]

I just found your site and have been having fun reading it all. Sounds like some real gems are in your area, but really, they are all over including here in the suburbs of Chicago. You know that people put others down either because a) it's been done to them again and again and they have to do it to others and b) it makes them feel better about themselves.

I still can't get out of my head the mom who told me casually at the beginning of the school year "I'm so glad I checked out the books on the reading list from the library on the first day, they are completely all gone now!" And how was that supposed to make me feel?

Sorry to ramble, but my friend Jean's phone msg sums it up pretty good...."Hi, this is Jean and I want to feel good today! If your message is intended to do anything other than that, you've got the wrong number. Otherwise leave a msg and I'll call you back." Hope you feel good today 24!

[Hallie]

Please tell me you spit on that last one...or kicked her....or used your super perky, super fantastic boobs to breast slap her across the face. Ok, that one might not be all that effective but it would be a great opening seen for a down and dirty porn!!

Hallie :)

[Elaina]

I am sorry you've heard those things this week but I cannot say I'm surprised. I don't fit in there either in spite of being born and raised & living there until my mid 20's.

But I also think some people are just creeps. And would be no matter where they live, you know? They wouldn't be any different in Idaho or Florida or South Dakota because they have character issues or low self esteem.

I think the snarkiest amongst the OC crowd I've encountered since being back are often the most unhappy with themselves and the most insecure about their position and status. Often times they seem to competing with people who are not competing with them. Did that last sentence make sense?

That woman (or rather those women) feels somehow that she doesn't measure up to you in some way so she needs to knock you down a peg or two. But that's where the character problem is . . . because she/they only make themselves out to be pretentious pigs.

[karen]

Whatever. You freaking rock. Screw them. Porn you say? :)

[Kensi]

You should have looked her in the eye and said, "Oh, like you have?" Seriously, sleeping with rich men doesn't equate MAKING something of yourself.

On second thought, maybe prostitution is her idea of making it?

When you think of it that way, you shouldn't feel insulted. Just be greatful your life isn't as hollow as hers!

[Linda]

Some peoples lives are just so miserable they have to spread it around. I agree with Sophia "answer a question with a question..."Didn't your mother teach you that it's rude to ask that kind question?"

[Kensi]

Just thought of another response, re: making something of yourself

You could have said, "you know, I've been thinking about asking you the very same question...but I thought you might think me rude if I asked. But since you brought it up, what ARE your plans?" Then smile brightly and wait for the response...

[di]

Get a few snarks here in the rural life in Virginia as well.... some people are just born ass holes.

Di

[Jan]

I wish someone would ask me how much money I make writing my blog - it's a hobby of mine, this laughing in people's faces.

Shit, I can't even get my own damn husband to take it halfway seriously.

[Southern Web Girl Kristen]

Another commenter pointed out that these people aren't just in OC, and they're totally right. I grew up in the Atlanta suburbs, where it's just as bad. Though probably less boob jobs.

Keep doing what you're doing. I hope I can be as cool a mom as you one day.

[Shari]

And with that I would have taken my good arm, grabbed my bad arm and slammed her over the head and made something of yourself! What a beeotch. We're not like that on the north side of Orange County!

[Kim]

You my friend, are awesome. All of those plastic, spoiled, rich bitches can step off. I may be from the Midwest, but I'm from the sticks which makes me a borderline hillbilly/redneck. I'll be happy to come and kick some of that Money Town ass for you if you need.

And yes, you would be the best porn writer ever. Because you rock.

PS - I'll continue to keep your boy in my thoughts and prayers! Hope he gets better soon.

[Alan]

LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! You ROCK and I gotta tell you...other than the pictures you post, I have no idea why you live where you do (other than for the story ideas apparently!). You seem like a very normal, down-to-earth sorta woman. Can't imagine that you fit in there at all! Not that all OC women are snooty, but in your stories they can definitely come across that way.

I think you put her in her place. Nicely done...and very diplomatic.

[Kari-Mel]

You stay the way you are - rant when you want, love when you are needed and just keep us entertained with whatever the hell you want to write about! We love you the way you are and don't give 2 shits how much or little you make writing. It's your outlet and we love it!

[Jane]

You can tell a lot about someone's character by the way they judge other people, and I'd say that the people who ask questions like that are among the most insipid, shallow, nasty, mean-spirited people I know.

The funny thing is that many of them either inherited money or married into it -- which would be fine except that some of those people twist their fate into a paradigm of self-made and hard-working. They actually believe that having money, even if they didn't earn it, gives them some special talent that places them above others. (Remind me to tell you about my sister one day, okay?)

Unfortunately, too, this myth is helped along by their connections to other fairly useless but connected people. There are nearly talent-free trust fund babies and trophy wives who get recording contracts, books deals, jobs they are in no way qualified for. . .and they look down at other people in disdain and say, "Well you just weren't as ambitious or talented as I was". ARRRGGGHHHHHHH.

/rant

You are talented and beautiful, and really? Fuck them if they can't handle the thought that you're popular because you're YOU.

[Sandra]

Someone recently posted on FB something that has stuck with me.

You can tell more about a person by what they say about others, than what others say about them.

Now that you're popular and becoming well known the losers out there will be trying to keep you down. It's how they keep themselves up.

[jennster]

unless that fucking bitch was your mom, tell her that you are already MADE and she should try figuring out how to make her own life.

i couldn't live where you are because those fucking people RUIN the beauty of it. they would annoy the living shit out of me. and i love orange county!!!!!

how many of those made up, faked out, plastic pieces of self esteem wanting chicks are so cal NATIVES? that's what i want to know

[jennster]

i wasn't done. lol

... because i think the NON natives are ruining it for the rest of us.

they should take their fake tits and their bleached blonde hair and go home.

[Kelly]

I have to admit, I've wondered... you're brutally honest here, very open and just... real. I wondered how the hell you fit in with (what I imagine them to be like) the OC women.
The woman who asked when you're going to make something of yourself - what does SHE do? Is she some amazingly inspiring humanitarian, or brain surgeon?
It's funny (ok, maybe not haha funny) that the most judgmental people out there usually hate themselves the most. The things that they don't want to think about regarding themselves, they quickly pick out in anyone around them. Either that, or they pick out the things they only WISH they were, the things that make them jealous.
Start keeping a list of snarky, bitchy, put them in their place responses to keep in the back of your mind.

[North County Mike]

BRAVO

[jen]

as for the money question "more than you, honey"
as for the assholes in general - look at their face really close and ask if they are getting that new line take care of.

[cristie]

I want to comment just to show my support, but I can't even think of what to say. These people are beyond words.
Good thing it's one of the most beautiful places in the world to live-balances out the ugly people.
Oh and I don't think it's ranting if what you are talkinga about is worthy of complaint!

[Suzy Voices]

Yes, next time someone asks you how much you make, say "a million per post, how about you?"

Rude bitches.

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=628574128]

ah, orange county. it's insane, isn't it? this is why I don't have much of a social life. where do I go to meet more people like you and me???

[Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club]

Wait a second.... You make money from your blog?!? Jeeeeeez, I am totally doing something wrong here.

*You and your perky boobs can laugh all the way to the bank!*

[Helena]

Don't forget, as well as your perky-boobs-posts you've also been known to write sex toy reviews. She's just jealous!!

And as for that person asking when you were going to make something of yourself... what's her problem?! And what does SHE do herself? Does she actually work or did she just marry rich? She's just jealous too... of your sex writer job! :-)

[Fragrant Liar]

Fuck 'em. You are enough, just as you are. And to me in particular, you are fabulous. I love what you do and I think it's a huge accomplishment. So, yeah. Fuck 'em.

[Grace]

The ONLY person who has any kind of permission to ask about how much money someone makes is a person's spouse/partner. But I guess some folks don't go by that rule.

[Kim @ Beautiful Wreck]

It is no one business if you make a little or a lot writing on your blog. I've not thought for one minute you write this blog for the money but because you enjoy it.

As for the person who introduced you as a sex writer. I would love to be introduced that way because that sounds a bit dreamy BUT by no means are you a sex writer, not that you couldn't be. I have to say the woman who did this is probably an uptight bitch and is likely a horrible lay.

Whenever I read your blog I think how inspiring you are. I laugh, I've cried, and I've realized that you are full of strength that we should all emulate. I never think of you with a disability even tho its something you talk about often. Its not what defines you.

I have come to realize that people often suck. You are not one of them.

[The Queen of Chaos]

... and this is one of the few reasons I could never live in OC, although I do love it!

[Lex (@laprimera)]

You're awesome. I love your outlook on life and your OC stories. Keep doin what you're doin!

[Lo]

first? love you, girl. you know i do. second? we owe each other at LEAST two bottles of wine, red or white, both our picks, and both consumed at said time. that said, uhm.... nothing you said was as shocking as what THEY said. i knwo i'm being rash but really? EFF them. seriously. when the day is over and i lay in bed and worryworryworry about whosaidwhat and willtheythinkbad, i think... you know, i'm a damn fine woman. and i'm more than a damn fine person. and i wouldn't love you as much as i do if i didn't think the same of you.

damnit girl, you're damn right awesome. :) love you in a totally platonic, not-spying-over-your-wall-into-you-nekked-in-the-pool kinda way ;)

[Julie @ Angry Julie Monday]

I said I would comment, but seriously what a wacky week...

I don't think people realize that some bloggers have other reasons for writing a blog, than advertising, reviews, and free shit. Ok I like the free shit every once in a while, but I'm not in this to make money.

Umm I guess people have never heard of the word "hobby". Keep it real, cause that's who you are..

[Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy]

Oh my gosh. I feel you. I had a friend of mine recently introduce me someone else and tell them that I made my living "playing" on the internet. She made it sound as if I was doing naked webcasts for dollar bills. I kindly explained that I made my living by writing very hard for various websites. But still, it irked me something awful. The sad thing is? I live in Kentucky. I can't imagine how often I might face something similar in the OC.

[Jess]

Amen sista!

Living in an "everyone knows everyone" city my whole life, I've always felt the need to fit into a certain mold or otherwise be left in the dust as the glamor and success passed me by. NOT fitting into the pressured mold has made me exponentially more successful than any of the people I aspired to be accepted by all these years.

Funny how life REALLY works outside of the bubble, eh?

Keep being worthless and making no money, it's entertaining.

[Loralee]

Hey!

I don't know if we met at BlogHer but I am pretty sure I mic wrangled for a session you were sitting in (Neil and Amy's? You were by BHJ????)

Anyway, I came over here because Sandi LOVES you and I keep hearing your name around my internet circles, so I wanted to check the place out. Love it. And OMG...It would be very difficult to live where you do. GORGEOUS but holy hell what a lot of catty women!

Rude, rude, RUDE.

I'm glad you're there calling them on it.

[Loralee]

P.S.

If we did get introduced at BlogHer and I am spacing it, PLEASE forgive me. I was a basket case of no sleep, hormones and pain killers that whole weekend. xo!