What Midlife Crisis?

I'm going to ramble about midlife crises today.  Not that I have any experience with any such thing.  In case you've forgotten, I'm only twenty four.

Ahem.

I thought only men went through midlife crises?  Apparently, that's not the case.  I'm hearing from more and more women that their lives are in turmoil too.  Many of them are attributing this to their own midlife crisis.  Some of these women are as young as their thirties and some are well into their sixties.

Who's to say when "midlife" occurs these days?

Are men aware that women go through this too?

Something odd is happening in the last few months.  People are coming to me with their stories.  People I know, and people I've never met, are opening up their hearts and sharing tales about their lives with me.

I have, unintentionally, become a collector of poignant life stories.

In turn, I am sharing some of their narratives (when given permission) here with you.

Hearing so many heartfelt stories has caused me to think a lot more about many life issues than I most likely would on my own.

I've heard heartbreaking and inspiring stories about deep, forever-lasting, love since I wrote about the man with One Love.  I've also had readers confess to me about illicit affairs, childhood and domestic abuse, falling out of love with their spouses, and on and on.  I'm fascinated by these stories.  I'm grateful to those who feel comfortable sharing with me.

At times, it feels like a lot to carry around with me too.  There is almost a physical weight that is passed to me along with the words of someone's life experience.  

Lately, several women have shared with me their midlife discontent.  Wives who live with their husbands out of duty instead of love.  Women who want to begin a new career, or new adventure, they would not have considered earlier in their lives.  One woman told me she wished she could take a "sabbatical" from her husband for a few years.  She was convinced if she could just get away for a few years she'd eventually want to return to her current life.

I wonder.

Last Friday I watched, admittedly in horror, as a 70+ year old woman walked past me in very short denim shorts and a skin tight, tummy exposing, camisole.  Her gray hair fell to her mid-back.  She was thin.  Her skin sagged inches below where you would expect to see it.  She was dressed like a twenty year old, but she had the body of an old woman.

Why did she dress like that when it looked so terrible?

And yet, I know why.  She's living in denial of her own age.  Does she need to dress like an old woman?  No.  Would it be nice for everyone around her if she didn't expose quite as much skin?  Yes.  

It made me wonder why people don't accept themselves as they are.  Why not embrace and own whatever life stage you happen to be at?  

Celebrate it!  Live it!

As I contemplated the old woman I assured myself I would never be like her.  I intend to live each life stage embracing it.

That same evening I enjoyed a girl's night out.  When I got home I uploaded a picture one of my friends took of me.  Looking at it made me realize others might see me and say, "There goes a woman who is clearly having a mid-life crisis!"

** cottage cheese thighs and fat ass intentionally hidden from view!

What do you think?  Am I a walking mid-life crisis of my very own?

How about you?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Michelle]

I don't think so. You're tastefully dressed, not trying to be a teenager, not showing more flesh than we need to see, today anyway ;)

Like me, I think you look your age.

[vodkamom]

yeah, you're gorgeous Mid life crisis? Pass the glass.............

[Deidre]

I don't think so either, I think you're just hip. but in an appropriate not trying to be teenage hipster kind of way.

I am going through a Mid-twenties crisis. An entirely different crisis.

[di]

I must admit that being in my fifties that I don't like a few things about it, but certainly would not say I am having a crisis. Until the weight gain I was totally happy with even my crinkles around the eyes, but once the girlish figure started to leave me and to this day 'will not' go away, it definitely changed the view I have of myself. Crisis? No. But I would like to know why when I look in the mirror my mother looks back at me now instead of the girl I once was.

I would never tell another woman she is having a mid-life crisis. As women we need to support one another, although if she were a close enough friend I would certainly tell her if she were leaving the house dressed unappropriately. You on the other hand look smashing!

Di

[Linda]

Purple hair is fun! And you're only 24!
(Having actually walked behind you I can truthfully say you do NOT have a fat ass. The same can not be said for me.)

[Carol S.]

Define midlife crisis? Versus midlife discontent. Versus midlife "wtf, suddenly the shit is hitting the fan from every direction." The "looks" are just a piece of it, and I agree with the others, you look fab and VERY content with that huge margarita in front of you and a good friend across the table. Thank God for strong drinks and good friends to help cope with the challenges life deals us, that do seem to multiply as kids leave the nest, parents require medical support, dear husbands career and charm have stalled out just a tad, and the willpower to pass up the plate of nachos for the jeans that fit is wearing thin. Tricky business for sure. Dwelling on the positive (look around, it's there!) and prayer is how I make it.

Thanks for a thoughtful post 24.

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

Purple streaks and a big-ass drink are a far cry from a bare 70 year-old midriff. But then, I'm 48 and still feeling capable of a little mayhem, so who am I to judge? Tatoos anyone?

[Kristan]

Pssh, I don't think you look like a woman with a midlife crisis. I think you look like a woman who's embracing her age (24!) in a fun but still respectable manner.

:\ about all the life crises.

[Liz C]

Nah, you're not showing nearly enough skin to scream 'delusional'. :)

And I'm not hearing the 'crisis' part of your 'midlife crisis', either. Unless there are things you're not telling us. Which is possible, but not likely, I'm guessing. ;)

And you want to see a fat ass? I got one for ya, right here!

[Jan]

No, I would not look at you and think "midlife crisis." I might think "Damn, she's blond and gorgeous" (which is what I think anyway), but no - not in the midst of any kind of crisis, midlife or otherwise.

My midlife crisis seems to be taking shape in a desire to leave the workforce all together. I want to stay home. Bake. Cook. Decorate. Write. Take pictures. Have the energy to amuse my husband in ways other than being charmingly klutzy and goofy.

Ain't gonna happen. *sigh*

[LPC]

You don't EVEN come close!

[Kelly]

I've been in some sort of crisis since my mid twenties. Trying to decide what I'm going to be when I grow up and I still don't know. Loving the purple!

[A Vapid Blonce]

I think you look awesome, and that margarita.. RAWR! Seriously, self expression is a completely different thing than being in denial.

Cheers.

[NeCole]

I'm often told I look younger than my age, but at times, it has had a negative impact. When I had a career, people assumed I was younger and more inexperienced than I actually was. Often, I had to work much harder to prove myself because of it. It fueled my perfectionist tendencies (not always a good thing). So there is a flip side to the coin. I am happy with my age and don't wish to be younger, however I do cackle wickedly when I tell people I'm a grandmother and their jaws hit the floor. My husband says I'm a GILF, lol.

[cute~ella]

I think that if you've been one to always be hip and a little edgy or fun then you're not having a midlife crisis. If you're like my aunt who has spent the last 30 years living a very conservative lifestyle and wearing holiday themed cardigans then all the sudden you're dying your hair purple (which is totally cute by the way!) and indulging in margaritas, then maybe...

I think you're pretty awesome and you look fantastic! You've also worked very hard to have this life after your accident. Enjoy it!

[stephen]

The whole concept of midlife crisis is different for men and women. Real, but different. For us guys, it's sex. I don't know how to be more honest than that. Ultimately, all men crave one thing, to be a sexual god. It might sound shallow or overly simplistic but if you have a man of your very own, what's mostly on his mind? Please don't kick me because I'm just like your husband, father, brothers, sons, nephews, etc. The ultimate male experience is having a completely satiated lover singing your praises. Sounds snarky, I know, but I'm not the one who invented testosterone. When that sexual ego stroking wanes, we are lost. A ship with no rudder. You gals are WAAAY more complicated. Your clothes don't fit right anymore. You have this little belly fat thingy. You have a new wrinkle. That fucking mirror is LYING! You never think, "Damn, I can't sexually satisfy my man." You can, and will always be able to. No, I think women's midlife crises are all about comparing yourselves to other women and a whole bunch of overly hyped expectations. Guys think your ass looks just as good in size 12 or 14 as size 6. It's your own comparisons of your size 12 ass to that young girl's size 6 or 4 that gives you angst. The interesting thing to me though is that both men and women's mid life crises are both controlled by women. I could write more but I have to go empty the catbox, fix dinner, sweep the back patio, and anything else I can come up with that might improve my chances of being a sexual god tonight. steve

[Jane]

Suzanne,

First of all, you're gorgeous. I would kill to have your perfect teeth! Second, please don't be one of those pretty women who pretend they're not. Own it, sister. You are beautiful.

[Kim @ beautiful wreck]

I am not sure if you are in a midlife crisis or not. I dont think so by reading you here or your tweets.

Last Thursday at the doctors office I was by far the youngest one there, by thirty or more years. One woman was definitely living different than most grandma's heading to sixty. Tats, piercings, and toe rings. Not sure when she had them all done but I know one thing, it did not look good.

[sometimessophia]

You, a walking mid-life crisis? No way, you perky bionic boob woman, you!!! You have the self-satisfied smile of a woman who is making the most of what she's been dealt. (And proud of it...)

Me? I feel very lucky. Not entirely what I'd hoped I be, but practice makes perfect. I'm workin' on it.

[karen]

I'm 30 so I dunno yet, but I'm sorry is someone in that pic? All I see is huge margarita, and frankly thats all I care to see! :D
In my opinion you look awesome.

[Michelle Pixie]

You look great so I would have to say no! I have a neighbor who obviously has hit that portion of her life and she trots around in her daisy dukes and belly tank tops with her heals and it's quite a site. Her husband must be going through that phase as well because he is always walking around without a shirt on rocking the bear gut. I am so lucky to live next to them...I actually wrote a post last week about her...Crazy Eyes as we like to call her! ;) http://pixiedreams8.wordpress.com/2009/09/15/crazy-eyes/

[Carol S.]

Had to say...lots of great posts here...but really loved Steve's. He pretty much describes my hubby now that you mention it. Gotta stroke that sexual god need soon, and thanks for frank description of the situation for men!

[Alan]

Mid-life crisis? Never heard of it...

[cristie]

I think you're just plain gorgeous-in a perfectly age appropriate way-purple streak and all. Is that weird to say to an almost total stranger?:) Don't carry the weight of my bloggy crush around with you-I would feel guilty about adding to that burden.