Please Excuse This Interruption ...

**  This post was written under the influence of serious narcotics.  My pain meds had not yet kicked in when I began writing ... but then they hit me full force.  Really, really, full force!  Can you tell at what point in my writing I became a druggy?  It's all a bit of a blur.  **

I am temporarily out of my fucking mind in pain sidelined.  I mentioned to a friend yesterday, when my pain levels get out of control like this, it makes it impossible to think clearly enough to write.  On the other hand, when I take pain meds I can write ... but I just never know what might come out of my brain onto the Internet via my typing fingers.

No, the skyrocketing pain level is not a result of playing hooky from PT for one day so please don't tell me it is.

The pain is also not a result of using my new camera although using it did make me sore and certainly didn't help.

This hell pain is a result of several new things The Torturer decided to try with me on Monday.  

He likes to experiment with new things.  (*snicker*)

I have not forgiven him yet.  I sent him text messages Monday night while he slept and I writhed in pain didn't sleep, saying things like:  You're evil.  I quit you.   And:  I will never trust a man named The Torturer again.  And:  You are not my friend anymore.  

There might have been a few more, but you get the idea.

In the morning The Torturer began texting me back.  He wasn't the least bit fazed by any of my messages.  He informed me he would be seeing me at 10 a.m.  I wasn't supposed to go into PT on Tuesday, but he insisted on seeing me and I was in too much agony to protest.  

I called my doc before I left for PT and screamed begged for more pain meds.  He was in surgery so I had to wait until the very end of the day to get my prescription renewed.  

It was not a good day.  My jaw hurt from having my teeth clenched all day.  There really is a reason for the expression teeth clenching pain.

The Torturer lectured me about letting my prescription for pain meds run out.  I informed him I had been quite sure I would never need them again.  He looked at me and sighed.  He's had to deal with my denial stubborness for a long time.  "Don't ever let yourself be without them again," he said firmly.  Then he spent a few hours working on pain reduction techniques.  

He says I need to stay drugged up for a few days till I get over this "hurdle."

I don't like taking drugs.  Drugs are bad!  I can't think on drugs.

The best part of PT was when he wrapped me all up cozy-like in a really soft blanket so I could stay warm while my shoulder and arm were surrounded by ice.  I really liked that blanket.  It was brand new.  I might need to steal it and bring it home with me.  I'm already attached.  I love cozy blankets.

Blankets.  Zzzzzzz ... 

Do you sometimes wonder if anyone has ever really experienced an erection lasting longer than four hours?

Just curious.

Would it be something to complain about if you did?  

I just don't think I'd be the one complaining is all I'm saying.

This is a serious issue and I think it warrants discussion so please leave me comments today letting me know about the erections you've experienced.  And whether or not you have, or have even considered, complaining about them.

Can I reword that a little?  I don't want to hear about every erection you've ever experienced.  Like that one guy?  The one who had such a crooked penis it looked like a winding mountain road?  Or perhaps more like one of those curly-swirly straws that go round and round till it gets to your mouth?  I'd rather not be reminded read about that one.

The part I just wrote about the hypothetical straw reaching someone's hypothetical mouth wasn't intended to be the sentence it turned out to be.

I'd fix it but things are getting very confusing.

Things, like the room I'm in, are really spinning quite a lot.

The world spins too.  Every day.  All the time.

Wowwwwwwwww!  

These drugs are really a lot stronger than any drugs should be.  These drugs should be illegal.

Oh, they are?  People actually shoot up these drugs.  All illegal-ish-ly.  Crazy!

Next time I better only take one of these pills.  No, it is not Vicodin.  It's Vicodin's BIG BROTHER or some other such type of analogy.

I might have not used the word analogy exactly correctly, but I really do know what it means but just not right now. 

I think I took too many pillzzzzzzzz.

A palm reader on Twitter asked if he could spend some time with me and heal my arm.

What does reading palms have to do with healing arms?

He would look at my palm and say, "Your arm is really screwed up!"  

He would know instantly because I wouldn't be able to lift my palm for him to read.

Also, maybe because he read my tweet saying, "My arm is really screwed up!"

Oh my ... the keys on my keyboard are jumping around and rearranging themselves!  I'm not even kidding.  It's making it really hard to type.

Speaking of hard ... weren't we discussing erections?

I can't remember the exact thing I asked you about erections, but leave me a comment about a memorable erection or two.  (R rated comments at the most please ... no X rated comments or I will delete them.)

I had more things to tell you.  Really important things.  I think.  But I can't remember now because everything is spinny and dizzy-ish. 

I might have messed up this post.  Really sorry if I di.d.

© Twenty Four At Heart 

Comments

[Michelle]

Maybe only take one pill ... and DON'T let your meds run out!!

Hope the pain eases quickly and you're off the drugs soon.

[Joanne]

I knew the very instant I read "the best thing about PT" that you had crossed over

[[email protected]]

Hey, how did you know about that crooked penis back in college??
Seriously, I get gruesome migraines quite frequently, and I would not go to the corner without my medication....just in case. I once kept certain pain meds I no longer used in the fridge for almost a decade (just in case) before finally tossing them.
I am so sorry you're in pain. That bites the big one, crooked or curly, or whatever.

[Suzi]

LOL That was funny! Sorry to be laughing at your expense but couldn't help it. :-)

[Jan]

Yup - I agree with Joanne; I knew they'd kicked in with "the best thing about PT" and your soliloquy to the warm, fuzzy blanket.

In fact, you were so eloquent that I don't have anything to say about erections (I KNOW!!!). I just want that blanket.

[Kelly]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, better now.
Hope today is a less painful one!

[Kat]

Was gonna say the same thing that Joanne said about the PT part, there, you crossed to the warm fuzzy side of narcotics. Hope you are feeling better today!

[kathygee1]

"I'll have what she's having." LOL

[Alan]

I gotta get me some of whatever you are taking....

[Michelle Pixie]

Hehehe! I got a contact high just reading this post and everything started spinning, you're a silly girl and I hope you got as much relief from the pain as I did from the laughter from the read! ;)

[Sandra]

I'm sorry your in so much pain.

As for erections, For me, 4 hours would be way too long. 1 hour would be too long. Heck, I'm married to 10 second guy so even 5 minutes might be too long. LOL

[Kirsten]

Can I borrow some of those pills??? LOL KIDDING! But seriously, as soon as you started talking blankets, we knew we lost you to the "fun little pills".

As for fun erections? 4 hours would be too long for me, at hour 2 I'd be sitting there, worn the f* out going "aren't you done YET?"...

On the topic of funny/strange erections...as long as they know how to use it once it's there, I don't care if it's crooked, sideways or upside down!

[Andrea (@shutterbitch)]

Too bad my affliction (boredom at work) isn't a good enough reason to get me on your meds, too. That sounds fun!

I won't say who (my husband) but I was once (a week) with a man who actually gained stamina the more he drank. To a point. But I can remember before getting married (to him) that we had a 2 hour marathon once and I was begging for mercy.

He thinks that I'm just being nice now and then when I bring him a beer. I am being nice... to myself.

[tonya cinnamon]

the happy bob commericals come to mind when i read your erection post LOL
seriously hope your meds kick in good and you start to feel better soon. hugs!

[Jack]

Allow me to say that a four hour erection would not be much fun, especially if you had no one to play with. Trust me on this...

[Christine]

LOL! I <3 you.

In all seriousness, I do hope the medicine helps and you're not hurting anymore.

[Jason]

Well these drugs seem to almost make it all worth it, don't they?

And what do you mean you'll delete any X rated comments? Do I have the wrong blog or something? Nope, I just checked, right blog.

Boy those drugs DO have you out of your mind.

All I'm going to say about my erections is that they last the amount of time they are intended to last. But if I did have a four hour one, I think I would complain, especially if I had to go to work or to some other public place during that window of time. I would look silly carrying a math book through the mall covering my crotch area.

[The Queen of Chaos]

Oh. My. Gosh. Frickin. Hilarious!

[Kim @ Beautiful Wreck]

I need to know what you are taking. Please email me and let me know. I am not joking.