Emotional Hangover

Have you ever felt hungover just from stress?  

Or from emotions running intense and high? 

Well, yeah ... that's where I am. 

I'm wiped out, drained.

You guys were awesome yesterday.  Your comments, emails, tweets ... all made me feel like there really are good people in this world still.  I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to each of you individually yet.

Did I mention I'm emotionally drained?

There are two parts to my break up with The Torturer.  I'm trying to adjust to, and digest, both. 

First, there's the fact I've lost my long-term physical therapist.  Many of you have been lucky enough never to experience physical therapy.  Physical therapy isn't 100% about the physical.  When you go to PT for a long time, you develop a bond and trust and a relationship with your therapist.  That relationship, if it's successful, is a mixture of mutual trust and respect and even more trust.

After all, you are letting someone physically hurt you.  You have to be able to trust they'll do the right thing for you and also know not to hurt you too much.

(Something The Torturer has completely lost sight of this week.)

The professional bond is not usually severed as abruptly as in my situation.

I walked in the door of PT on Wednesday knowing I had a physical therapist I felt comfortable with and a few minutes later I no longer did.  The unexpectedness of the situation sent me reeling with anxiety and fear over the physical welfare of my arm (and all of its adjacent body parts).

The Torturer would tell you I had the option to continue treatment at his facility.  Perhaps, in his mind I did.

But ... there was no option.

I will find another physical therapist.  There are a zillion of them in Orange County and most of them take my insurance.  It might take a week or two to find one I feel is a good fit, but I know I will.  In fact, my shoulder surgeon read yesterday's post and emailed me with a few recommendations last night.

It was reassuring to hear from him.  It sounds sappy, but my immediate thought was, "Well, at least someone still cares about my recovery."

I hope my insurance will continue to pay for PT when I make the change to a new practice.  I know already, there's a very good chance they won't.

And then?  

I'm shit out of luck.

Thank you for that Mr. Torturer.

Don't get me wrong.  

I agree with The Torturer, Anthem Blue Cross is being One Gigantic Asshole.  I also agree, The Torturer needs to do what he feels is best for his employees and his business.

I have no problem with any of that.

As I wrote yesterday, I have a problem with how this decision was handled on the patient end.

The second part of this situation, the truly painful part, is the friendship involved.  

I've known The Torturer for nearly fifteen years.  

It isn't something I've written about much here.  I've shared with you the PT aspect of The Torturer, but not much about The Friendship aspect of The Torturer.  

I suppose it goes without saying, losing him as a friend is the part that hurts the most.  

He tried to tell me nothing has changed with us.

I don't know how he can say that?

(Did our friendship ever really exist in the first place?  This is something I question constantly now.)

I knew the friendship was gone the minute I felt the door slam on my ass as I left on Wednesday.

I knew it again, with an intense and very painful jolt, when I read his email and text messages last night.

I think that's all I should say about the relationship aspect of this situation.  Except, you know, it hurts on a personal level a lot.

I haven't mourned a friendship in a long time, and now - I am.

The Torturer left a comment on my post yesterday.  If you didn't see it, you might be interested in going back and taking a look at what he had to say.  Or maybe not.  He also wrote me a long letter and asked me to use it as today's post.  For a variety of reasons, I didn't feel it was appropriate to do so.

I'm not sure if I'll be posting this weekend.  If not, I'll be back on Monday.  

Also?  I do have some very interesting news to share with you next week.  It got upstaged by all the PT drama, but I really think you'll enjoy hearing about it.

Thank you again for all the kind words and virtual hugs.  

You are so often a huge source of strength - thank you!

Suzanne

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Stephen]

If I was you and I felt hungover, I would go to the beach. With my camera.

[Jan]

I understand the emotional hangover part quite well, and (believe it or not) hope to experience it sometime soon, but to a lesser degree. But I am pissed beyond belief that you are having to go through all of this. It is SO wrong on SO many levels.

I agree with Stephen - perhaps a trip to the beach with the camera is in order this weekend. And you know where to find me if you need to talk.

[Sandi]

It's going to rain. Stay in the house by the fire with a your mug of coffee and write, write, write!
I am so sorry for the emotional pain. That is the worst part in my opinion. I have been stabbed in the back before by a friend and the pain is gut-wrenching. Call me if you want to sneak out this weekend. I am around.

[Jenn in Tenn]

You go girl, have a great weekend! And I agree you need to get out there with that camera! Take care.

[Karen]

It's pathetic when people are willing to sacrifice their friends for money. In such a cold hearted way too. You are supposed to give an insurer 90 days notice IN WRITING when you drop a plan. There is NO EXCUSE for what you pt has done. It's wrong, wrong, wrong and UNETHICAL. Lack of notice to his patients, and treating a friend like you walked in off the street like any other patient.

Not only that, do you know it is illegal for him to bill you more than your copay for those first two visits?
I'm so angry on your behalf. I can't imagine the hurt of being treated like this by a supposed friend.
With behavior like this I predict your torturer will go out of business in the next 18 months.
You can only do better. You WILL do better.
What an asshole!

[Kelly]

Friends don't treat friends like shit.
Discovering a trusted friend is not a friend at all is a very painful experience.
I'm sorry.

[Cathy B.]

Wow, Suzanne - that is just stunning. If I were a PT I'd come down to California and take care of you for nothing. I wish I could, it drives me nuts to see someone be treated so badly.
I'm sending all the positive thoughts I can, wish I could do something more concrete for you!
Good luck,
Cathy

[Kim @ Beautiful Wreck]

I could say so much but instead I will just send positive thoughts and hugs from afar.

[Cate]

This is frustrating and sad. Isn't this the one you've counted on as your main emotional support for what you've been through? Isn't he supposed to help you navigate your way through this? Hold you up? Instead, he's hurting you. He can't see the forest for the trees. You are strong. You will be okay but he is losing you. How will he recover from that? Especially since he has done this to himself? He's a sad, sad, man.

[Nancy P]

Yea what Karen said. Unethical and illegal!

My heart is hurting for you. Emotional pain just hurts so damn much. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs.

By the way, your surgeon sounds like a true warmhearted person.
Nancy

[Judi]

I was thinking about you this morning before I got to work, realizing how pissed off I still was about your situation. The thing I keep coming back to is your post just the day before this all happened, where you answered a question about why there were fewer PT/Torturer stories. You were holding back out of respect for him and his practice, because he was worried about his reputation. Unbelievable that he would then turn around and treat you so poorly.

Please let me know if there's anything at all I can do for you. More hugs on their way.

[Linda in MN]

Wouldn't you think if he cared ever, at all, he would have called to apologize for how he handled things and make it better? Curious as to what your surgeon said about all this? I bet THAT was interesting. Also if he were smart the torturer would have kept you on for free. He could get great, positive, publicity with you writing about him. Think how much busines he would have gained instead of lost. The man is not thinkng, he's just reacting. On the other hand, I agree with Nancy. Your surgeon seems genuinely concerned about YOU. At least you've got him. Thank God.

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

My older daughter was in PT from age 22 mos until 4th grade, so I know of the bond of which you speak, from that aspect. Several times her therapist changed over those years until kindergarten, and each was a huge adjustment, for both of us. Her last therapist I still keep in touch with, almost 10 years later. Because I assume she cares.
I'm so sorry about the friendship side of this. I hope you get a new therapist and that the insurance part works out...

[Momma Pixie]

Thinking of you and hoping you find peace soon! {{{HUGS}}}

[Tawny]

Oh hon, this whole situation is pathetically sad. If he had handled things better there is no reason why your friendship had to be lost. I feel kind of disgusted. Is it a man thing not to take into consideration the FEELINGS of people you deal with? Feelings don't matter if it affects the pocketbook? Like I said, pathetically sad.

[Ginger]

I agree with what Linda said, he would have done himself a favor to keep you on for free. If he was worried about his reputation BEFORE, when you were complimentary of him, I wonder how he's sleeping now? Hmm?

I worked for a doctor for eight years. He had no concept of anyone not being able to afford something. If a patient went to another doctor because he didn't accept their insurance, he was miffed and took it personal.

[Maria]

hey i been reading you on my phone so its alittle harder to leave comments, ok im lazy to leave comment on my phone sorry. but omg i totally feel for you! this situation sucks and you have every right to be upset. im just sorry that it got you so exhausted and up staged your otherwise good news! i hope you rest this weekend and feel better.

[Christine]

I'm so sorry, Suzanne. I'm thinking of you.

[McKenzie]

I've been reading you forever. The Torturer stories, the pt ups and downs. I just keep asking how could he do this? Even if you weren't friends, you've been his patient for so long. He had to know how much it would hurt you.

I am so sad for you. If it makes you feel better, I bet once all this craziness calms down he is going to really miss you and regret how he handled this.

[Mad Woman]

I really "get" the emotional hangover thing. And it sucks. I hope you find someone who will take your insurance AND do a good job and that BC doesn't screw you over too.

[Life with Kaishon]

Oh no. I have to go and see what happened. I am sorry you were hurt.

[Fragrant Liar]

WTF? I didn't realize how far behind I was. I'm going back one more post to see what up!