I'm Mellllllllltttttttttting! Part 1

I'm going to apologize upfront for any plastic surgery burn out you may get from my posts this week and next.  I have a lot of plastic surgery-related events, but no plastic surgery, going on in my life for these two weeks.  And, after all, Twenty Four At Heart is a reflection of my life.  

Yesterday, I told you about the upcoming plastic surgery party and all the pertaining details.  (Including the fact that YOU are invited!)  Speaking of, have you called to RSVP yet?

Today I'm going to tell you about my first experience with the Fat Melting Machine.

Yes, I do live in The OC, why do you ask?

For those of you who haven't been reading along, I volunteered to be a test patient for a Fat Melting Machine.  My friends at the Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery (PCPS) are considering adding this machine to their practice, but they want to see results first.

Obviously, they don't want to treat patients with it if they aren't going to get great results.

The treatment consists of six, 40 minute, sessions.  In essence, it's two weeks of Monday/Wednesday/Friday treatments.  I agreed to be a test patient because I really wanted to write about the experience whether it be a positive or a negative one.  The PCPS had absolutely no qualms about me doing so.

The experience began, in part, last Friday when I was informed I would be photographed for my "before" photos on Monday which was to be my first day of treatment.

"No problem," I said cheerfully.

"In your bra and underwear," replied the Center's office manager.

... Silence ...

Say what?

If I could have un-volunteered to be a test patient right at that moment, I would have.

Over the weekend I went and bought myself some black "granny panties" to wear with a black bra I already own.  My goal was to cover as much of myself as possible for the photographs. 

My anxiety over being photographed in just panties and a bra ran high all weekend.

I kid you not, those granny panties came up higher than the waist of the pants I wore to PCPS on Monday morning.  Do people really wear those every day?

Monday morning found me at the plastic surgeon's office.  I was ushered into a room where the fat melting machine, better known as Zerona, was located.  (I will explain more about how the machine works - if it does - in future posts.)  Three women accompanied me into the room.  Two were staff members from PCPS, and one was there from Erchonia, the company which manufactures the Zerona machine.  The woman from Erchonia was there to train the others.  

I joked about my granny panties and was informed they'd prefer me in a thong.  (Briefcase always says the same thing!)  I had brought a thong with me because I wasn't sure if the lasers on the machine would work through fabric.

Grudgingly, I changed into my thong.

First, I was weighed.  I may have screeched real loudly when I saw the number on the scale.  By the way, Zerona is not designed as a weight loss tool.  It's supposed to be a "body slimming" treatment, meaning the objective is to reduce inches.

I stood against a wall with a blue background as photos were taken of my every bump, bulge, and crater of cellulite.  I turned this way, and that, to the side, to the front, and even faced backwards so my practically-bare ass could be photographed in all its glory.  When that was done, every measurement on my body was taken from my neck measurements to my knees.

Humiliating, much?

I wouldn't have minded when I was twenty, but I am .. 24 .. now, and my body has changed.  I hate to subject strangers to my extremely imperfect near-nakedness.

Quite honestly, the measurement taking and the photographing of my fat was the worst part of the entire experience.  After that was done, I hopped up on a table and laid down for twenty minutes on my back, followed by twenty minutes on my stomach.  I wore a special type of sunglasses to protect my eyes from the lasers on the machine.

Red lights moved over my body, from my waist to my upper thighs.  The lights (lasers) were neither cold nor hot.  (Although, technically, Zerona uses cold laser therapy - it doesn't feel at all cold.)  It actually feels like ... absolutely nothing.

I asked questions about the machine, the technology, and what type of results I should expect during my forty minute treatment.  I was instructed to drink a lot of water to help flush my now melted fat out of my body.

Before I knew it, I was done.

I was back in my clothes in less than thirty seconds.  After that I viewed some before and after photos of other people who have been treated with The Fat Melting Machine.  Some of the results seemed pretty impressive, others not so much.

I have zero expectations for my own results.   I volunteered to do this because I thought it would be interesting, fun, and great writing material.  If I lose a few inches along the way?

Well, that would be a nice bonus.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Deidre]

I would also not be comfortable in a thong and having people take photos and I am, also, 24. I don't even OWN a thong.

This whole thong thing has put me off the fat melting.

[Amy the bitchin wife]

Good luck!!!! Btw, I was totally imagining you lying pool-side in your undies with photographers snapping away when you tweeted yesterday, snicker.

[Mo]

I where granny panties every day.

*did I say that out loud?*

[di]

Thong? THONG??? I don't even own one. Can't stand those crack clothes. But then on the flip side, I can't stand granny panties half way up my back touching my bra strap either.

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

[Joanne]

I guess those are some pictures we will NEVER see! haha

[Jan]

I am *extremely* skeptical of this whole process (but I think you knew that), especially since it's for "body slimming" and not "weight loss". I'm really interested in the results you report.

If they're positive, will you post the before and after photos?

[Twenty Four At Heart]

No Jan, I will NOT post photos of myself in my panties and bra. I will, however, share how many inches I lose (if any).

[Kelly]

I want to MELT! How awesome if this WORKS!

[Pam]

I can't wait to hear how it goes! I would not be happy to have all of my bulges and craters photographed, but I guess it's the only way to see the before and after! Good luck!

[terry]

i'm a big fan (fanny) of granny pants. i keep thinking of Bridget Jones' Diary where the Hugh Grant character is kinda turned on by her spanks.

i'd love to join the party, but i can't make it this thursday. maybe a future one?

[Stephen]

Dang! You aren't going to post the before and after pics. You could just photoshop one of the money town bitches head onto the pics and then it would be ok. Might as well get it out there now before you turn 25.

[Duchess]

Come on, Woman, in the interest of science you ought to produce the pics...!

My kids are always accusing me of wearing Granny pants. That is because they have never seen their granny's pants.

[Erica]

I started wearing granny panties and baggy pants a few years ago after surgery. I loved them. So comfortable, so comforting! God, I thought, created granny panties just because She loves me! Later I realized they have demonic properties. Giant panties create giant asses. Really. Those baggy pants fit me like leggings now. Beware granny panties that spawn baggy pants that spawn giant bottoms! I wish I had free access to a fat melting machine.

[Fragrant Liar]

Dang! I always knew my thongs were doctor recommended! I am so ahead of the curve!

I'll be anxious to hear how this all goes, Suzanne! Sounds like a mysterious kind of scary kind of fun. For free. ;-)