What I've Learned Lately

It's never too late to learn something new. I've been reminded of this a lot lately, and I thought I'd take this opportunity to share with you some of my recent observations.

• You will feel positively ancient when your child graduates from college even if you did give birth to her when you were only three.

• All cottage cheese is not created equal.

• A friend is not always the person they've pretended to be and it hurts deeply to come to this realization.

• Your air conditioning WILL break when the temperature exceeds 90 F and not a moment sooner.

• Some drugs are not meant to be mixed with wine and you will, of course, realize this while in the company of your in-laws.

• If you get a small, red, dry, itchy spot on your boob and you ask Twitter what it might be, you won't want to hear the (horrifying) responses.

• You should never google images of diseases people on Twitter tell you about or the images you see will be burned into your brain cells for life.

• No matter how long you live in The OC you will continue to be amazed at how many OC stereotypical people you encounter every single day.

• Internet Trolls will continue to stalk you even though they say they hate you, will never read you again, and are going away forever.

• Carbohydrates are highly addictive.

• If you watch The Bachelorette you will wonder why you're wasting your time (and brain cells), but you will find it difficult to turn off anyway.

• It will be highly disappointing to find out your son's employee discount at Nordstrom doesn't apply to you because you're not his "dependent."

• Twitter will instantly be over capacity when there's a sizable earthquake nearby and you will not be able to respond to those inquiring about your safety.

• There are, in all probability, more fake boobs and asses in Southern California than in the rest of the world combined.

• If you purchase the new Miraclebody Jeans, you *might* decide they don't really make you look ten pounds thinner as promised.

• When an old flame sees your new Twitter avatar/Facebook photo and remarks you still look hot, it will feel good even if you did photoshop your wrinkles away.

• Summer league baseball should not be allowed to begin before the school year has ended. I say this out of concern for the sanity of baseball parents everywhere.

• One of the best things about returning home from a trip is seeing the joy and love your dog(s) bestow on you when you walk in the door.

• Celery sticks and egg whites are not the least bit addictive.

• When you return from a vacation it will take more days to get caught up than you were actually away for. (This only applies to women and single dads - or should I just say this doesn't apply AT ALL to Briefcase?)

• If a shallow OC woman comments on your wedding ring with the sole purpose of getting you to compliment her on the enormous rock on her finger, the best approach is to smile sweetly and ask her where she found such a big cubic zirconia.

© Twenty Four At Heart