An Open Letter to an Old Friend

Hello Old Friend.

You'd probably be surprised to hear I think of you quite a lot.

I've been assuming you've moved on with your life and never think of me at all.

But I guess you do remember me, and our friendship, occasionally.

Once in awhile, you check in on me by visiting here at Twenty Four At Heart.

You probably think you're anonymous, reading what I write without me knowing you've stopped by.  After all, I don't know who the majority of people are who stop by to visit. 

My blog stats only show me a few things.  I see the number of people who read Twenty Four At Heart, and I see the cities and countries they visit from, but I don't see names or identifying details.

And all the people who read me on their iPhones, and Blackberries, or other smartphones?

Well, all I really see then is that someone logged on from a phone.

But sometimes ...

Sometimes, I see you there, very VISIBLY, on my stat page.

And every single time ...

It makes my heart hurt.

I miss you.

Losing you was one of the most painful aspects of the car accident aftermath.

You know ...

The aftermath that just keeps on coming, and coming, and never seems to stop.

What do you feel when you visit here?

Are you stopping by because you're curious about my life?

Are you bitter and angry?

Indifferent?

Do you have regrets?

I wonder if, as you read my words, you ever miss me?

There is so much more to me, so much more to my life, than what I write about here.

The biggest pieces of my life are, in fact, the things I can't write about in a public forum.

Those are all the things I used to talk to you about.

But now, instead, once in awhile you read the words I've written.

You look at the photos I've posted.

How much simpler would it be to just pick up the phone and call?

You could hear my voice and ask me, yourself, how I am.

I know for you it would be a very difficult thing to do.

And so, the phone remains quiet ...

Always so quiet.

Maybe you're not that surprised I think of you a lot.

Sometimes you still visit Twenty Four At Heart.

Every single time it makes my heart hurt.

I miss you.

© Twenty Four At Heart 

Comments

[Jack]

Such heartfelt words- I hope that they pick up the phone. If they didn't miss you they wouldn't visit you here.

[Joanne]

sounds like the Torturer to me....

[karen]

Why don't you pick up the phone. Be the bigger person and get over the hump. If this is a good friend, don't miss out. Just do it.

[Rachael]

I hope she calls. Or you. hugs.

[Tiffany]

I only found you recently but have enjoyed your posts immensely. Thank you for this post in particular. I visit to laugh but was happy to find something that I could relate to in a different (sad) way. :) Looking forward to more!

[Jan]

I also immediately thought of the Torturer, but cannot be sure - I know how much so many of your relationships changed after the accident. I'm sorry you're hurting over this. :(

[angi]

this is a brave post. No matter who it is, I hope you can reconnect. I, too, have a friend out there who I've lost...and I know that empty feeling when you remember what you used to have. Good luck!

[Lara]

I remember you saying you felt you lost all your friends after the accident. This writing is so heartfelt. I hope whoever she is, she comes back in your life.

[Tami]

Whoever it is would not be reading you if they didn't miss you. Lost friendships are so heartbreaking. I know there must be a very good reason you aren't picking up the phone. If it gives you comfort, you should know this person still cares. They wouldn't ever read you if they didn't.

[Kelly]

This makes me sad. I hope she reads it, feels it, and is brave enough to take a chance and reconnect.

[Missy]

Interesting how everyone assumes it's a woman...
Call her Torturer.

[Suebob]

When my sis got MS, her BFF abandoned her. Just stopped calling, stopped coming over. They had been so close and had such a good relationship, I thought...We would see her out in public every once in a while and she would always be so friendly and smiling and...nothing would ever come of it. It was so sad to see my sister hurt that way. I hope your old friend reconsiders.

[Michelle]

Funny how people are assuming it is a SHE or assuming it's The Torturer. Whoever it is, it doesn't matter does it? A friendship lost. A good friendship lost. Sad.

[Di]

He may be possibly feeling pain at the loss of the friendship too, or holding an immense grudge. Men rarely let others know what they are really feeling. Let his visits to your blog bring you warmth just in knowing that you have crossed his mind on that particular day. :-))

Di

[Susie]

I've heard a lot of people say they lose friendships after a tragedy or accident. People don't know what to do so they leave. Or they know what to do at first, but then not at all as you start getting better. I think its (sadly) a very common thing.

[Nancy P]

This is heartbreaking. I can't imagine why your accident would cause you to lose a friend. I hope that this person sees your post today and picks up the phone.
Hugs.

[Erica]

That was a moving letter. I hope they call. Someone could visit your site often, even if they were no longer your friend though. I read your blog and I've never met you. You're a good writer.

[Linda]

(((hugs))))

[Maura/@CountessMo]

Minus the accident part, I can totally relate to this. It's unbearably hard sometimes.

I hold out hope for both of us that, one day, the people we miss will pick up the phone.

[Momma Sunshine]

I've lost more than one friend in the last couple of years since my separation. At least one of the people visits my blog...without comment. Sad, considering the last time we spoke it was only so she could say cruel things to me without giving me opportunity to defend myself.

People are hard to understand sometimes.

*hugs*

[sandi]

I know you miss him, but I think he is a cruel jerk for hurting you the way he did. Ugg, You know I will love and support you if he comes back into your life, but will you be able to let go of the hurt he caused you?

I think there are a whole bunch of us here who would like to "torture" him.

[Carolyn]

I was the one who walked away from a friend. It wasn't because I didn't care. It was because I cared too much and it hurt too much to stay. If he or she visits here even once in a great while, I know the person still cares for you.

[missmolly]

I hope this hug from afar helps you feel a little happier.

[Mattie]

This is one of the saddest things I've read in a long time. We may not all write blogs, but all of us have lost friends we've loved. Sad. You made me feel this in my own heart.

[WebSavvyMom]

-->This screams The Torturer to me. Call him.

[Caren]

Of course he misses you. Even if he never calls again. The very fact he checks in on you here shows that. I can't figure out if it's sadder that he lost you or that you lost him.

[Donna]

If you're that sad, pick up the phone and make the first step back into what you consider a good relationship.

It really is that simple.

[Lynne]

Sometimes relationships, friendships, are complicated. Sadly enough life is not black and white. If it were "simple" (donna) I'm sure one or the other would have called. So easy to judge while guessing the details and other people's emotions. I've been there and I know there are a million shades of gray. Sometimes we do all we can and then just have to wait for the other person to be ready. Sometimes they aren't ever ready or it takes a long time. A friendship takes two.

[Meg]

Wow! I can totally relate except for the accident part! I had to move away with my family and had no choice because I was younger. He held on to our friendship for years, but eventually decided to get back with an ex who had moved back and now he doesn't call or anything anymore. It's heartbreaking, but my hands are tied now that he has proposed to her. /: I hope your situation turns around! (: