Twenty Four At Heart

Excuse Me While I Vomit

The comments you've left the last few days have been fantastic.  I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back individually to each one of you, but I've loved them!  What a great conversation we've got going on a very important topic.

I don't mean to overwhelm you with posts about the superficiality of Orange County, but it's difficult not to write about it this week.  I promise I'll mix in some other topics before the end of the week.

  

By the way, my sister called yesterday.  She lives in Colorado where natural beauty is prized more highly than it is here in Orange County.  She's about 5 years older than me. She hasn't had any cosmetic surgery.  In my opinion, she looks great.

We talked about my experience with the Cosmetic Dermatologist.  My sister told me about a cream she started using on her neck awhile back called Elastiderm.  Have you heard of it? She buys it through a dermatologist, but it's now available online.  It's not cheap, but it's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.  She swears it's made a remarkable difference in her neck. I can't swear by it personally, but I thought I'd pass on the recommendation for those of you who are interested.  I might try it myself.  (If I do, I'll let you know what I think.)

Maybe it's a magical cream?

Moving on ....

I was reading the Orange County Register yesterday and I was completely, utterly, appalled by one of the local stories.  I found myself questioning why I live here.  Then I shut my eyes for a moment, thought about the beach, the ocean, and the mountains in my backyard.

The story was titled, Shoes Fit for a Queen, and it was written by a reporter named Candice Shih.  Do you know who Christian Louboutin is?  He's a famous shoe designer.  His shoes have a signature red leather sole and are worn by celebrities worldwide.  

Christian Louboutin visited Orange County recently to promote his exclusive line of shoes. To say Louboutin's shoes are expensive is an understatement.  He was specifically here to introduce his new limited edition shoe, the Marie Antoinette, which is priced at $6,295.

Here's a look at this $6,000+ ultra-extravagant shoe:

I don't know if it's possible to love shoes more than I do.  I have the potential to develop a serious shoe-aholic addiction.  I don't, however, find the Marie Antoinette even remotely attractive.

Not to mention, spending $6,782.86 with tax on one pair of shoes is one of the most wasteful things I can imagine.

Wake up Orange County, the world is in a serious recession!  Excessive consumption is grossly out of style.  Even if you aren't hurting financially, most people are.  Why not use your money to help someone in need instead of buying a pair of shoes you will only wear once in a great while, if at all?  (Louboutin shoes are not made for comfort!)  If you are too self-centered to think about other people, than at least realize you're making yourself look like an ass with your exorbitance. 

Christian Louboutin came and autographed the red soles of his shoes for women who clamored to buy them.  Only three pairs of the Marie Antoinette were available that day (all three sold), but Louboutin has plenty of other, pricey, styles to choose from.  Women were lining up to spend thousands of dollars on a single pair of shoes.

The most nauseating part of the article was reading about a woman who successfully begged her father to buy her a pair of the $6,295 Marie Antoinette's for her 25th birthday. Why did she think she needs them?  Who is she trying to impress?  And does she think having her daddy buy her $6,000+ shoes impresses anyone?  Why did her father buy them for her?  What in the hell was he thinking?

What's wrong with these people?

Someone Needs to Lock Up the Pervs and Throw Away the Keys

I'm pissed off.  I'm outraged.  I've had enough and I'm not going to take it anymore.

At the same time, I feel helpless to do anything.  How can I change a system that's broken?  Really, what can we do when we see a failing system of justice?

My daughter TR is in college and currently lives in an apartment with six other girls.  At the college she attends, the majority of students live off campus in apartments.  

TR called last Friday and she was upset.  She told me her landlord-to-be was arrested. He was arrested for hiding cameras in the apartments he rents. He was taking pictures and filming girls naked and/or having sex.  Charges are being pressed.  He's very wealthy.  He has lawyers up the gazoo to drag out the legal process.  In the end, everyone expects he will pay a fine and go right on "managing" the apartments he owns.

The Perv will walk away with a slap on the wrist.

In a rush of emotion, TR spilled out more and more details.  I went into "mother mode" and listened and reacted calmly, matter of factly.  TR is a lot like me (emotional) and she was outraged, insulted, and livid.  I was too, of course, but I tried to be a calming influence.

Stop laughing.  I can be a calming influence.  Sometimes.

Let me share with you The Perv's alleged background.  I learned a lot about The Perv last week.   The Perv apparently was a student in this same town a few decades ago.  Rumor has it, he and a friend sold drugs to other college students and made a fortune.  They dropped out of college and used their drug money to buy the majority of prime real estate in the college town.  They pretty much have a monopoly on all the "good" apartments. 

When TR and her roommates went to meet with The Perv about renting an apartment he informed them he "prefers" to rent to girls "because girls are less destructive than boys." TR and I thought nothing of his remark at the time.

Because, hello?  College boys? 

TR has signed a one year lease to rent from him, beginning this June, for the next school year.  Please don't suggest she find somewhere else to live - all the housing for next school year was booked by mid-January.

As I talked to her, TR brought forth other details she "hadn't wanted to worry" me with before.  She had heard rumors about The Perv being "a little sketchy" around the college girls.  She hadn't known if they were rumors or fact. 

I talked to her about checking all the bedrooms and bathrooms in the new apartment before she moves in for hidden cameras.  She informed me the recently discovered cameras were supposedly added later when The Perv came in and out to make "repairs" on various apartments.  

Apparently the local news stations have gotten wind of the story. The Perv is being publicly shamed.  TR, herself, is an editor of the university newspaper.  Trust me, there will not be a single female student unaware of The Perv and what he's done.

Which is not to say he won't do it again.

Although I did not say it out loud to TR, one thought keeps running through my head.

The Internet.

How much do you want to bet The Perv is not just getting off himself, but also making money by selling the pictures to porn sites?  For that matter, he might own a few porn sites of his own.  

Shudder.   

© Twenty Four At Heart

When The Rich Do Good

When I peruse the local newspaper I often cringe at the "high society" do-gooders.  Many of the Orange County rich attend charity balls and events.  To an outsider, such as myself, it often seems the primary purpose of these events is not to help others, but for the rich to pat themselves on the back.  The goal is often just to "be seen" at big charity events. 

Having their picture displayed in the newspaper as a do-gooder becomes a competitive thing among the rich.  It makes me a little nauseous to see the women in their $3,000 gowns attending a "ball" for the poor.  I realize a portion of the money raised does eventually find its way to charitable causes.  

A portion.  Eventually.

I was brought up by "salt of the earth" parents.  To me, helping others is something you do without fanfare or public recognition.  In fact, I pretty much have the attitude if anyone knows you are doing it, it doesn't count.  There's a line in the sand about caring about others for their sake, or doing it to pat yourself on the back.  It's my own personal hang-up, I guess.  It's an area of my life I'm very private about.

The Orange County Register had an article last Monday, however, about a Money Town family helping others.  I was very touched by what these people are doing with their wealth and I want to share their story with you.  Although the newspaper did write an article about it, I honestly believe these people are being wonderful human beings without concern about "getting credit" for it.

Gary and Julie Crisp (Money Town residents) hosted about 175 Marines from nearby Camp Pendleton for a Super Bowl party last weekend.  Some of these Marines are about to be deployed to Afghanistan.  According to the Register, the party included live music, specialty cigars with a Marine logo, and massages for the Marines.  

First of all, can you imagine having a home big enough to comfortably host 175 Marines? The Register quoted Lance Cpl. Mike Kirkland saying he was overwhelmed.  "I'm from a little town in Utah, and you don't see a house this big there," he said.  

This is the third year that The Crisps have hosted this bash.  They said they've been very blessed and wanted to give the Marines a party they would remember while at war.  I think they were successful. 

The Super Bowl was broadcast for the Marines on eight (8!) flat screen televisions.  The Marines went through 1,800 beers, 150 massages, 14,000 cokes, 1,000 pounds of ice, 200 hot dogs, hamburgers and steaks, and 500 specialty cigars.

In addition, NFL and USC football players were present to sign autographs.  The Crisps also gave away five electric guitars and five basses.  Each Marine will also receive a photo album and DVD with pictures from the ten hour party.

Ten hours with 175 Marines in their house.  Think about that folks.  The party began at 10:30 a.m.

One Marine was quoted (while in the Crisp's jacuzzi) saying, "If we weren't here we would just be sitting in some guy's room with the biggest television."

Cpl. Anna Owens said, "It is really special.  We volunteer our time and our family for the war, and we feel like we are appreciated."

Mr. and Mrs. Crisp ... you did good!

All information regarding the Crisp party was taken from the Annie Burris article in the February 2nd edition of the Orange County Register.

Black Friday

Orange County is divided. There is North Orange County and South Orange County. No one in North Orange County ever admits to living there. They will say, "I live near Disneyland," or "I live in Orange County," but they will never, ever, say, "I live in North Orange County."  It's just not verbalized, ever. There are some nice areas in North Orange County, but the North does not have the status or the sparkling image of the South.

Let's pause for a minute so that my North County readers can send me a few quick angry emails.  Okay, then ...

People who live in South Orange County are very outspoken about it.  The two areas are as different as night and day and no one living in South Orange County wants to be mistakenly connected to North Orange County.  South Orange County is more affluent and even those struggling financially here feel like they are a part of a richer lifestyle just by saying, "I might not be able to pay my bills but I live in South County."  South County is cleaner, less congested, the land of ritzy outdoor malls, and home to the uber rich and famous.

It's like a civil war, but slightly different.

The TV shows about Orange County are all based on South County.

South County is the land of materialism and superficiality.  Image matters.  The type of car you drive, the size of your home, all the materialistic stuff is taken into account when you meet a Money Town resident and get sized up.  I can't emphasize enough how important money and things are to the Money Town people who live here.  The South is the land of plastic. People live on their platinum plastic cards and people look plastic from all of their cosmetic surgery.

I am neither rich nor a celebrity.  I'm not the least bit plastic yet either.  (However, if my nipples ever touch my knees I WILL reconsider my decision to forego plastic surgery.)

I never tire of the humor I'm surrounded with.  Money Town people are flat-out funny. Their lifestyle is so insanely important to them, how can they not make you smile? 

TR and I went shopping on "Black Friday."  It's usually frenzied madness. Merchants offer sales and "deals" and normally rational people go berserk trying to save a buck.  I'm sure many of you heard that a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death this year in New York when he unlocked the doors to open the store?

What could possibly be so important inside a Wal-Mart?  Discounted wrapping paper?

My entire life I've made a point to avoid shopping on Black Friday.  I'm an introvert at heart, I don't really enjoy shopping; crowds and long lines irritate me. God played a joke on me and gave me a daughter like TR.  She loves to shop and thrills at the excitement of Black Friday.  Last year she talked me into a 4 a.m. Black Friday shopping expedition. This year, we arrived a little later but we were still there participating with all the crazies. 

It was a cool 72 degrees this year.  (I turn my heater on when it hits 70, because brrrrr!) I've never seen so many girls wearing short shorts and/or very short skirts with Ugg boots.  Some of them also threw a scarf around their neck as if the weather was cold. They looked ... ridiculous.  Really?  What can they be thinking? Is this supposed to be sexy?  In contrast, I wore jeans, a t-shirt, and flip flops.  You know it's winter here when I'm wearing jeans instead of shorts.  

I'm always a fashion statement.  

At our first stop, a local mall, there were a lot of shoppers.  There were not a lot of people buying though.  It seemed like many people were purchasing only sale items, fewer items than years past, and "window shopping" which is not typical on Black Friday. Granted, I was not at an electronics store.  Maybe the huge plasma TVs were hopping off the shelves like they were last year, but I didn't see many people purchasing much.

The biggest shock came when we visited the Irvine Spectrum.  The Spectrum is a huge outdoor mall and on any given day it's packed.  Except it wasn't.  I've never seen the place so empty.  There wasn't even anyone on the ferris wheel.

I know it might seem strange to some of you that we have outdoor malls.  Stranger still that we have ferris wheels in the middle of them, but the weather here allows it.  There are also a lot of fountains at our outdoor malls and oftentimes there's a band playing too.

No, this is not Disneyland.  This is a mall on Black Friday.  Where are the crowds? 

We ended up stopping into several local malls over the weekend.  It did seem like the high end stores were still selling to the exceptionally rich.  A Louis Vuitton salesman told me he had sold a $110,000 purse.  A personal shopper made the purchase for her client. He joked about wishing he had that amount of money "to buy a few cars."  Overall, however, he reported business was slow.

Personally, I didn't buy much either.  I purchased each of my kids one pair of jeans and that was pretty much it.  I haven't been out at all this week due to being sick.  Maybe things have picked up?  I can't help wondering though, if it's this slow in affluent South County, what's it like in the rest of the country?  Or for that matter, in the rest of the world?  Is everyone waiting until the last minute to purchase gifts?  What's it like where you live?

Joe the Bigamist, Part III

I finally made it to the doc yesterday.  I'm now fully supplied with germ killing drugs and I'm sure I'll be just fine in a couple days.  I kid you not, he said I have pneumonia.  I don't have pneumonia, but he tells people that every time they get a bad cough.  Didn't I just say that in my post yesterday?  Geez ......  He's a hypochondriac doctor.  Really.

An overwhelming number of you said you wanted to hear continual updates on Joe the Bigamist.  I'm starting to think there will be no end of material from this guy unless he eventually lands in jail.  (Or if someone kills him for screwing around with their wife.)  If you are a new reader you can go back and read here (Part I) and here (Part II) to get caught up.

A reader asked me who is giving me my Joe information.  One of my friends has a close working/friendship relationship with Joe.  I've promised to keep certain details vague or undisclosed when I write in exchange for Joe stories.  Joe apparently doesn't mind as long as I keep him unidentifiable. 

Joe must think there are a lot of other bigamist's out there?  

I had no sooner finished writing Joe the Bigamist, Part II when I received more information about Joe.  I confronted my friend and said, "Are you sure Joe isn't just a pathological liar and making all of these stories up?"  I mean, it's entertaining either way, but I don't want to pass Joe's escapades on as truth if they're not.  My friend told me he used to think Joe was full of "tall tales" but over the time he's known Joe he's seen "a lot of facts to back up Joe's stories."

Some of you have commented that Joe's life is like a soap opera.  I'm not a soap watcher, but I'm sure you're right.  In fact, as I've mentioned before the producer of The Real Housewives of Orange County lives in Money Town.  I've suggested the idea of Mr. Producer televising Joe's escapades.  Mr. Producer and I have some mutual friends and I believe my suggestion will be passed on.  I don't know if it will result in anything, however.

I've lived in California my entire life. I can honestly say the extremely wealthy just are not like the rest of us.  Rules?  Rules are for other people. Boundaries?  Well, they don't apply either.  Societal norms that most of us take for granted, are often not a part of the thought process of the exceptionally wealthy.  Oh, I know there are some very nice billionaires out there.  I've just never met a single one of them.

It's also my personal opinion that Joe has a sexual addiction.  They very term implies an inability to discontinue behavior despite the negative consequences.  I think the definition pretty much sums up Joe, but I'm not a psychiatrist.

Joe likes to talk a lot.  Joe particularly likes to talk about himself and his "situation."  Joe sometimes calls my friend two or three times a day just to talk about himself.

Here's the latest.  Joe will not be prosecuted for bigamy because his second marriage was found not to be legal.  (There's a plethora of lawyers involved in Joes' life right now.)  He had a prenuptial agreement drawn up and went through with a marriage ceremony that Wife #2 thought was legal, but it wasn't.   

Wife #2 is coming after Joe for palimony (which is like alimony but awarded in long term relationships which are not marriages).  Wife #1 is divorcing Joe.  Joe is adamant about acquiring custody of the dogs he shared with Wife #1. It's nice to know Joe is capable of forming a real attachment to something, isn't it?    

Mistress is pregnant and she doesn't know if the child is Joe's or her husband's.  (Her husband is Angry Celebrity, remember?)  I imagine she'll have to get a DNA test to establish who the father of her unborn child is.  If Joe is the father, I would think she'll be set for life financially with the money Joe will have to pay to support her child in a lifestyle similar to his own.  Isn't that how it works?  I'm guessing here, but it seems like that would be the case. 

I may end up hearing a lot of Jim the Player stories too.   He sounds just as bad as Joe. In Joe the Bigamist, Part II I told you I knew of a woman swapping story between the two brothers.  I didn't share the story because quite honestly, I didn't think you'd even believe it.  I have a hard time believing a lot of this and I'm getting the information from a long time, trusted, friend.  

Nonetheless, the majority of you said you wanted to hear the story so here it is.  Jim the Player apparently had an affair with his pastor's wife.  Yes, he's Mr. Class himself.  It's nice to know Joe and Jim are so involved in their local church community.  Do you remember how Joe's Wife #1 and Wife #2 found out about each other at church?  I'm not sure if Joe and Jim go to the same church, but based on what I've heard of the story, I don't believe so.  In any case, Jim found Pastor's Wife to be very sexually adventurous and nicknamed her "The Kink-Monster." (Such a warm term of endearment!)

Jim the Player decided his brother "had to" experience The Kink-Monster for himself. She was at a church retreat in the woods.  Jim set up a meeting with her.  She snuck out to meet him one night but Joe the Bigamist met her instead of Jim the Player. She, apparently, never knew the difference. 

I've asked my friend to find out more about Joe and Jim's family.  Did they grow up wealthy?  I'm thinking they must have.  Do they have other siblings?  Are the siblings as narcissistic as the twins?  What was their family life like when they were young?  Are either of the brothers in therapy for sexual addiction?  Or for that matter, just therapy? I'll let you know when I hear more. 

Joe the Bigamist, Part II

In October I told you the story of a bigamist living here in Orange County.  Joe the Bigamist is an extremely wealthy man.  He married two women and they knew nothing about each other's existence for years.  The two wives lived in two separate multimillion dollar homes within a half mile of each other in Money Town. Recently Joe's wives found out about each other.

At the time I wrote about Joe the Bigamist, I promised to give you an update if any new information was forthcoming.  Do you remember how Joe the Bigamist was not only married to two women, but he was also having an affair?  

As it turns out, the woman he had the affair with is married.  Not only is Mistress married, but she is married to a celebrity. Celebrity Husband found out about the affair his wife had with Joe and threatened Joe with bodily harm.

Joe was outraged by the threat.  

Joe's been feeling a little stressed out lately.

Joe's two wives are angry with him.  His mistress is pissed off.  Celebrity Husband is hoping for an opportunity to dismember Joe.  Quite assuredly, beginning with Joe's actual member. (Personally, I think Celebrity Husband of Mistress would be doing society a favor by dis-member-ing Joe the Bigamist.)

Poor Joe, he's created a lot of strife, hasn't he?

Most recently Joe's legal woes have escalated once again.  Joe is a business owner.  Joe has employees.  Joe made unwelcome sexual advances to one of his female employees. Repeatedly. Female Employee is now suing him for sexual harassment.  

Ah ... but that's not all! 

Female Employee is married.  Female Employee is married to a convicted criminal who is currently not in jail.  Convicted Criminal is not happy with Joe the Bigamist.  Convicted Criminal is threatening Joe the Bigamist with bodily harm.  He may need to line up behind Celebrity Husband.  

I haven't met Joe the Bigamist personally but we have a mutual acquaintance.  I'm lobbying for an introduction at the minimum, and preferably an interview.  So far, I've been turned down.  

I'm told that Joe is "older than you might assume at first" and not overly attractive.  What do all these women see in Joe?  Money.  Insane amounts of money.  And presumably, the power of being with someone who is exceedingly wealthy.  Joe likes to brag about his wealth and his women.  He finds his own stories and escapades amusing.  I get the impression he thrives on the drama he creates.

Apparently Joe the Bigamist has been banned from one of the more prominent hotels in Las Vegas.  He got caught having sex with a stripper in one of the cabanas by the pool. Stripper was having sex with Joe in the cabana in broad daylight. They were ... ahem, very loud during their sexual escapades.  Joe thinks it's hysterical he's been banned from the hotel.

Joe has an identical twin brother.  Let's call him Jim.  Joe describes Jim as "a player." Joe does not consider himself one.  Isn't that pretty amusing?  Joe likes to recount stories of pulling the "old switcheroo" on women.  Yes, these brothers have slept with each other's women (including wives) on several occasions.  

The women have apparently not been able to tell the difference.  Does that mean both men are terrible in bed?  I would imagine men like Joe and Jim are all about themselves in the bedroom, wouldn't you?  Selfish assholes that they are.  (Oops - there went my interview!) 

I could recount one particularly horrific woman-swapping story for you ... but I honestly don't think you would even believe me if I told you.  I think it's hard enough to believe the generalities, let alone go into the details.  

Both of these men are man sluts with no boundaries or morals whatsoever.

Let's name all the prominent characters (so far) in this story:

Joe the Bigamist

Wife #1

Wife #2

Children of Wife #1

Mistress

Angry Celebrity Husband (of Mistress)

Female Employee

Angry Convicted Criminal (husband of Female Employee)

Stripper

Jim the Player (Joe's identical twin)

If there is more to come from Joe the Bigamist, do you want to hear it?  Or are you tired of hearing about him?  One thing's for sure, someone needs to give Joe a life sentence in unzipable pants.

Tis The Season

We will end the week tomorrow with an update on Joe the Bigamist.  I first told you his story in October and there have been further developments.  Check back tomorrow for the latest!

Thanksgiving is one week from today.  The days have been passing in a blur and I don't think I can keep denying the holidays are here.  The palm trees around here are covered with holiday lights.  Christmas wreaths hang in the stores.  Yes, the temperature has even dropped into the 80's.  It's so refreshing compared to the 90's we were experiencing just a week ago.  With hot temperatures, it's sometimes hard to remember the seasons have even changed.  My first tip was running into this guy the other day.

 

We don't have any relatives close by so the holidays are always very low key.  I know a lot of people wish they didn't have any relatives close by.  It always makes me feel a little sad though.  In my head I picture a house full of kind, warm, relatives all helping to cook and laughing joyfully.  In reality my mother in law would be throwing the carving knife at my head prior to dinner.  (Just kidding ...?)  In any case, it's always just Briefcase, myself, and our three kids.

(Sorry Briefcase, I know I promised your family would be off limits on this blog.  I didn't mention NAMES now, did I?  And I phrased it like a joke so all my readers totally think I was joking!)

I should point out a friend invited us to come over for Thanksgiving, but we actually enjoy the solitude when we finally acquire some family time.  The Torturer invited us over too, but hell no!  There's no way I'm getting Briefcase and The Torturer together on Thanksgiving.  The two of them drinking together?  It gives me ulcers to think of it. Besides, if I did that I'd never know when The Torturer might lean over and start yanking my arm behind my head or something like that.  (Talk about a holiday spoiler.)

TR arrives home from college next Tuesday.  I'm very excited to see her, of course.  I miss her for many reasons, but one of them is the simple fact that she's female.  I'm outnumbered three to one when she's gone.  It's nice to have someone here who doesn't take pleasure in farting and laughing like the boys do.  She also won't flip the TV remote to 300 different channels in 30 seconds or swagger around the house like a giant bear while belching.

No, with TR here there will be a flurry of cooking activities and girl talk in the kitchen. She's much more girly than I am.  I will, without a doubt, be dragged out for shopping trips too. Traditionally, Thanksgiving weekend is when we begin our Christmas shopping. I hate crowds and I hate shopping.  But, in the name of mother/daughter bonding I will go out and fight the crowds with a smile on my face.

I think the Money Town crowd will be interesting to watch this year.  Let's be honest here, the economy sucks.  People are struggling.  Even Money Town people are experiencing lay offs, foreclosures, and severe downturns in their portfolios.  Will they be spending less on holiday gifts like the rest of America?   Or will I witness something like I did last year when the Cat Lady bought a diamond collar for her pet?  I will be taking my camera with me this year.  I'm betting I'll still see some pretty frivolous Money Town spending.

Briefcase still has his job, but we are trying to cut holiday expenses just like everybody else.  What are you doing to cut holiday costs?  It doesn't matter if your holiday is Kwanzaa or Christmas or Hanukkah or something else entirely.  Are you making homemade gifts?  Cutting back on the amount spent?  Not sending out cards this year? I'd love to hear ideas you have for spending less.   

Kindle My Flame

I have a new love in my life.  It's truly been an unexpected love affair.  I thought I couldn't love any more deeply than I already did, but alas, I've fallen hard.

I have a new toy.  No, my gift basket hasn't arrived yet.  (It has been mailed though so it should be arriving any day now!)  I received birthday money from different family members, I added in a little of my own, and I splurged on myself.  This is out of the ordinary for me.  I usually have a hard time indulging myself.  Unexpected birthday money?  Let's save it for the kids' Christmas presents or spend it on the house. The last couple years have been tough.  I decided I deserved something special just for myself. 

I bought a Kindle.

First of all, this is not a paid product endorsement.  I promise.  

Second, some of you are asking, "What the hell is a Kindle?"  Apparently, Oprah recently reviewed the Kindle on her show.  Probably a lot of you saw that?  I didn't see it because I never, ever, have time to watch TV. Let me give a brief explanation for those readers who are unfamiliar with the Kindle.  A Kindle is an electronic reading device invented by Amazon.  It is about the size of a paperback book, extremely lightweight (10 ounces I think) and very thin.  Here's a picture of PR holding my Kindle sideways. 

Amazon came out with the Kindle about a year ago and I've been eyeing them warily ever since.

The Kindle has an "electronic paper" non-glare screen.  Non-glare being very important. You can increase your reading font to whatever size you are comfortable with.  You can order books and receive them wireless in 60 seconds or less.  And no, you do not need to be in a wi-fi zone to do so. The wireless service is the same as that used by cell phones.

You can subscribe to many newspapers (NY Times, LA Times, Wall Street Journal ... hey, even my local Orange County Register) and they will be delivered to your Kindle overnight on a daily basis no matter where you are.  A few blogs and many magazines are also available on Kindle.

OK, here's where I admit that I don't know if the Kindle is available yet outside of the United States.  If it's not, I imagine it will be soon.

I love to read.  I love bookstores.  I love books.  I love the smell of books, the feel of books, the touch of them in my hands.  Nothing could ever replace that love.  For the last year I've tried to ignore all the wonderful features Kindle offers.  Now that I have a Kindle, now that I've actually held one in my hands and read that beautiful six inch screen, I'm sorry I waited so long to make the purchase.  

I am a voracious reader.  When I have time to read I inhale books, magazines, newspapers, and blogs at an amazing rate.  I'm constantly donating the books I've read to our local library.  I don't think they can believe the number I've dropped off.  I feel guilty about the number of trees that have sacrificed their lives to support my reading habit. Kindles are a very "green" product.  Which is not to say I won't still read some books in book form.  But my Kindle?  Sigh ... I love it.

There are so many cool things a Kindle does, I can't possibly list them all in one post. Is it expensive?  Yes it is, but it will pay for itself in no time.  The price has dropped from around $400 to $359.  One of my readers told me about the Oprah discount (now expired) and I got mine for $309. Most of the hot bestsellers, however, only cost $9.99 so you save money on your books. (About a $17 saving on each hardcover bestseller and no shipping or wireless costs!)  I've downloaded several books so far and only one was nine bucks. (Water For Elephants - oh how I love that book!)  The other books I've ordered have ranged from three to six dollars.  That's a substantial savings!

Your Kindle can store around 200 books and if you add a memory card when it's full you can probably add another 200 on it. What happens when it's full?  You can change your memory card to make more room or delete books.  You don't really lose the books you delete though because Amazon keeps every Kindle purchase in a cyberspace library for you and if you want to re-read a book you've deleted you can just download it again (for free).  This is also a great safety net in case you ever lose your Kindle. 

Why?  Why would I love a machine over a book?  My Kindle has 190,000 books available right now and that number is growing quickly.  If I'm at a baseball tournament with PR and I have a two hour wait between games I can pull it out from my purse and read.  If I finish the book I'm reading, with the push of a button I instantly have another to begin. Without going anywhere!  

Imagine just for a minute ... doctor's waiting rooms (where I've spent an awful lot of time these last two years!), dentist's offices, PT, airports, sitting in the car waiting to pick up your kid at school or activities.  The places you can whip that Kindle out of your purse or briefcase to read are endless.  It's lightweight enough to transport it around with you easily.

The Kindle comes with a real-life leather book cover that it fits in so you still can have that wonderful sense of holding a book in your hands if you want it. 

This is absolutely the ideal gift for anyone who travels.  Take one 10 ounce electronic book with you for 3 weeks of travel and never run out of reading material. Well, ideal for anyone except for Briefcase.  He loses everything he takes with him traveling ... sunglasses (countless!), iPods (three!), books (countless!), anything and everything.  It's too bad because otherwise this would be the perfect gift for him. 

If you love books, add a Kindle to your wish list.  I think you'll love it as much as I do! 

Santa Barbara Is Burning

Here's a picture of the horrible fire in Santa Barbara (Montecito).  It was taken last night.

I thought you might be interested since I posted on Santa Barbara recently!

Friday Light

I'm looking forward to writing a couple fun posts for next week.  My friend Helena in England has requested a Money Town story.  I was afraid everyone might be getting tired of hearing about the ridiculously rich and spoiled.  Helena tells me they are her "favorite" posts so I've promised to share a Money Town story sometime next week.  In addition, I know I've got a lot of avid book readers in the audience.  I'll have a post next week which I think will be very interesting for all of us bookworm types.  Stay tuned.

For today, I wanted to end the week on a light note.  It's time once again to share with you some of the strange Internet searches which have brought people here for a visit. This is the first time I've had to actually ignore some of them.  Some searches have been truly offensive (as in extreme pervert typing the most disgusting things into Google). As always, I've typed the actual search request in bold and my thoughts in regular typeface. Here are the searches I felt I could share:

How much do Torturers get paid?  Search was made from Iran. 

Can men recover when they get bruised egos?  No, not in my experience.

Going commando under my dress  Remember to cross your legs when sitting.

What does it mean when a guy says "we are not on the same page"?  It means it's over. 

Sick and tired of being a sex object  I'm sorry, I'm sure it's tough.

Slutty prom date  You may not find her on the Internet.

Do guys get PMS too?  Yes, at least Briefcase does.

Why does he make sexual comments to me all the time?  Most likely because he wants sex.

Statistics on men thinking about sex when they see an attractive woman  100% of the time.

I like your shirt, innuendo  Wow, that's quite an innuendo there.

Misty May's Dr. Schobert  He's a great doctor - I hope he makes you feel better.

How to empty a nasty, disgusting porta-potty  I'd just walk away if I were you.

Oops!  Nude in the pool  oops!

My male physical therapist flirts with me  So?

How do men compartmentalize issues? I don't know, but they do.  I wish I was better at it myself.

I saw my mom naked by the pool  You have probably been scarred for life.

Craving nonsexual hugging  (((Hugs)))

How do I behave like a hot guy?  If you're asking, you aren't hot so forget it.

Naked blonde with her feet in the air  I'm sure that's a nice mental image for you.

My partner told me she's faking orgasms  You need to talk to her about it.

Orgasmic screams  Congratulations!

What happens if you don't have a brain-mouth filter?  You end up writing a blog just like this one. 

I have a strong desire to be attractive to my male friends  Are you male or female?

I want to be just a little bit naughtier  I'm sure he'll like that.

I want my pool guy naked  It's not a very original fantasy, but ok.

OC woman who talks sex on the web  That might be me?

How do I compliment a man?  How would you compliment anyone?

Arms tied above her head, big boobs  I have big boobs, but one of my arms can't possibly move above my head ever again.  You've got the wrong woman.

Doctor removed my panties  No, no, no!  You should be removing them yourself if it's necessary.  Something's very wrong with this.

Bra and panties with my physical therapist  I don't want to know, or hear, about it.

Girl flashes ass for train  It's a tradition here in Orange County.

Getting over losing a friend  I'm no help.  I never get over it myself.

Ways to stimulate my guy for sex  I don't give sexual advice.

Naked pool boy  Not again!

Hot guys on all fours  Very specific request.

Women who think blow jobs aren't sex  I can't think of a thing to say here.

I caught my wife naked  I hope you catch her naked a lot, she's your wife!

Want story of transparent blouse without a bra  Okaaaaaaay?

Definition of a perv magnet  Twenty Four At Heart

Mac vs. PC

I learned a lot as a result of yesterday's post.  **Blushing**  I didn't realize I was naive until I clicked on a link or two and found myself wondering, "What do you do with THAT?"  There are rabbits and dolphins and a lot of other devices I never knew existed.  Someone out there in the Internet world with a sex toy business is actually sending me a gift basket of toys.  Thank you very much - you know who you are!  In any case, I'm sure we'll come back to sex related topics sometime soon, but for today I'm onto a slightly less controversial subject.  Although for some of you, this may still be controversial?

Briefcase surprised me, very generously, on my birthday with the new MacBook.  Have you seen it?  It's very cool.  I was thrilled.  My old laptop was having ongoing problems and had been in for work twice in the last six months.  (Remember my experience with Masul?)  Macs aren't susceptible to viruses and/or spyware.  Macs are supposed to be "better" for working with photos and music.  I was very excited by my new laptop and couldn't wait to learn how to use it.

This is what I've noticed so far.  My Macbook is much faster.  The graphics and sound quality are way better on the Mac than on my old laptop (which is a 3 year old HP Pavilion).  Working on a Mac is very different than working on a pc.  I imagine it is much easier to learn to work a Mac if you are starting off and have no, or very little, computer experience.  If you've lived and worked in the pc world for *ahem* a few years, the transition is a little more difficult.

I'm taking the "One on One" classes offered by Apple.  I've only taken one so far.  I plan to take full advantage of this program because I really want to get the most out of my computer.  Hot Apple Employee was very helpful in my first session.  I had figured out a lot of the basics myself, but I had a lot of random, scattered, questions too and he answered them all.

I've also learned I'm not a very patient person.  I want to know how to do everything right now this very minute.  The One on One program includes a rule stating you may not schedule classes more frequently than every seven days.  I want to take classes everyday until I am as proficient as any Apple employee.  I think it has something to do with my perfectionist nature.  (Which by the way, only applies to certain areas of my life and is completely absent in others!)

Apple has a "data transfer" service to move all your information from your old computer to your new one.  I have a problem, however.  I have some things on our home desktop pc.  I have some stuff on my old laptop.  I've had no time to drag all three computers down to our local Apple store to get data transferred.  Also, did I mention you have to leave the computers down there for two days?

RC does homework on our desktop every night.  I don't feel I can take that computer away from him until there's a break from school for a few days.  I also know my own fingers are permanently attached to my keyboard.  Give up all computers for two days?  Nah ... we just can't do it.  Instead I keep jumping from computer to computer depending on what I want to work on.  

Photos and music are primarily on our desktop.  All my saved bookmarks (which includes a zillion blogs) are on my old laptop.  I haven't had a spare moment to attempt moving data on my own.  (Which I just might screw up anyway because ... it would be just like me to do that!)  Eventually I know I'll get everything on to my Mac, but for the time being I'm playing musical computers.

Have any of you made the transition from pc to Mac?  How long did it take for you to feel proficient on your Mac?  What features do you like best?  If you are a pc user, do you want to, or would you ever consider, switching to Mac?  I'm just curious as to your thoughts.  I've noticed our Apple store is always ridiculously packed with people.  Is there a Mac revolution going on?

The Day After

In general, I write my blog posts on the evening before they publish.  I time them to post just after midnight here in California.  I've just finished watching Obama's victory speech and I find myself at a loss for words.

I've told many friends that I "took a vow of silence" in the blogosphere regarding politics.  Not because I question my beliefs or convictions, but because Twenty Four At Heart is not a political blog.  There are plenty of political blogs and I don't think any of my readers come here to read my political opinions.

Briefcase and I are members of opposing political parties.  We're both very convicted in our beliefs.  In general, we cancel out each other's votes on a regular basis.  Our political "discussions" have never been more heated than they have been over the course of this last year.  

In spite of our disagreements, I pride myself on respecting opinions which vary from mine.  How else can we learn and grow as individuals?  When I ask Briefcase, "How in the hell can you possibly believe that shit?" I really want to hear his answer.  Likewise, when he storms out of the room because he disagrees with me, I know he's just trying to provide me with some quiet time.  

We've been married a long time and we're thoughtful like that. 

I felt proud of our country as I watched events unfold last night.  I was proud of McCain's concession speech.  He showed grace and humility and pride in America.  I was proud of Obama.  He has accomplished the American dream against all odds.  I was especially proud that so many Americans care so much, regardless of what their beliefs are.  

I feel hopeful.  Hopeful for the future of our country at a time when there has been so much dismal news.  Just seeing record numbers of voters turn out for the election is inspiring.

I'd like to hear how my readers are feeling today.  All I ask is that you be respectful of others if you leave a comment.  I have a lot of readers from all over the world.  I'd love to hear what the perspective is in Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa, the mid-east, etc. also.  

Do you feel positive today?  Are you hopeful for a new beginning?  Are you just glad the political ads are over?  Are you invigorated?  Depressed?  I hope you'll take the time to leave a comment and share. 

Contest Day #4

Happy Halloween!

(Photo taken at Rogers Gardens in Newport Beach.) 

It's been a great birthday week!  Thank you everyone for participating in my 24th Internet birthday party. 

I have to tell you, two of my favorite things are reading and writing.  I consume books, magazines, and blogs at an amazing rate.  Lately I've been thinking I could use some new reading material.  I've been searching the Internet and the bookstores for some good reads.

The one place I still need to look is Amazon.  Amazon is probably my favorite online site.  I can spend hours perusing all the books, music, dvds, gifts, and everything imaginable they have to offer.  I think it's only fitting that I indulge myself a little this week since it's my birthday week.  I'd like you to join me!

Today's Contest:

I am giving away TWO Amazon gift cards valued at $50 each!

You may continue to enter all contests through this weekend.

You may enter as many times as you'd like - one entry per comment. 

Winners of all contests will be announced on Monday, November 3rd.  The contests will close at 5 p.m. Pacific time on my real birthday, Sunday, November 2nd.

Winners will be picked randomly utilizing the Random Integer Generator.

Just leave a comment telling me the name of a favorite book, or blog, to help me expand my reading horizons! 

You may also still enter here to win an iTunes gift card valued at $25!

You may also still enter here to win a Starbucks gift card valued at $30!

You may also still enter here to win a Target gift card vaued at $40! 

Happy 24th birthday to me!

Contest Day #3

Fun, fun, fun!!  I was at Roger's Gardens in Newport Beach this week.

 

Roger's Gardens is a very high priced nursery.

 

It's also an exclusive home and garden store.  Every Fall I walk the gardens because they're so beautiful.  I return every holiday season when the place is decorated in breathtaking colors and lights.  In any case, I thought I'd share some pictures to make my contest posts more interesting to look at.  Roger's Gardens really has nothing to do with today's contest except to supply some nice Fall pictures.

So, let's see.  So far you've helped me pick out some great music to listen to on my birthday.  We've all agreed a trip to Starbucks is a must to get my birthday started too.  I have to admit, I was surprised that based on the number of comments the iTunes cards are more highly coveted than the Starbucks cards.  I figured since the Starbucks cards had a higher dollar value you'd want them more.  I must have musically inclined readers.

What could possibly be next?

I'm thinking I might need a little bit of a shopping spree just to enjoy the day.  Where, oh where, could I go that has everything?  I like to go to stores where I can do "one-stop" shopping.  A store that has cards, decorations, holiday items, sundries, cookware, cosmetics, clothes, purses, and even (yes!) food!  That's right, I think I need a trip to Target!  (And if you don't have a Target nearby, did you know you can buy anything imaginable at Target.com?)

Today's Contest:
I'm giving away TWO Target gift cards valued at $40 each!

You may enter as many times as you'd like - one entry per comment left. 

Winners of all contests will be announced on Monday, November 3rd.  The contest will close at 5 p.m. Pacific time on my real birthday, Sunday, November 2nd.

Winners will be picked randomly utilizing the Random Integer Generator.

Just leave a comment telling me one of your favorite items to shop for.  Don't have one?  Then just leave me a comment to enter. 

You may also still enter here to win an iTunes gift card valued at $25!  

You may also still enter here to win a Starbucks gift card valued at $30!

Happy 24th birthday to me!

Contest Day #2!

I'm having so much fun this week.  I love throwing myself a 24th birthday party!  Who knew it could be so much fun to turn 24 every year?

Thank you for all the song suggestions so far.  I'm such a music junkie.  I've added several songs to my iPod.  I'm sure Briefcase will appreciate me downloading more music, because ... ahem, I didn't have much to start with.

Last Saturday I went hiking in Laguna Beach.  I love Laguna.  It's beautiful and it's one of my favorite haunts.

It was a really hot day (in the nineties) and I very quickly regretted not bringing along a water bottle. 

By the time I took this photo I was having full-on fantasies about being at a Starbucks.  I was craving an icy, cold, Passion Iced Tea.  Have you ever tried one?  They're so refreshing!  The minute I finished my hike I stopped into one of the Laguna Beach Starbucks to get one.  While I was there I picked up a couple gift cards to give away to you!

Today's Contest:
I'm giving away TWO Starbucks cards valued at $30 each!

You may enter as many times as you'd like - one entry per comment. 

Winners of all contests will be announced on Monday, November 3rd.  The contest will close at 5 p.m. Pacific time on my real birthday, Sunday, November 2nd.

Winners will be picked randomly utilizing the Random Integer Generator.

Just leave a comment telling me the name of one of your favorite haunts.  (Is it Starbucks?  Is it a place to walk, hike, dine, hang-out?  Is it the beach, the mountains, a lake, a park?)  Can't come up with a "haunt"?  Just leave me a comment!

If you don't have a Starbucks close to you, you can always "re-gift" this prize during the upcoming holidays! 

You may also still enter yesterday's contest here to win an iTunes gift card valued at $25! 

Happy 24th birthday to me!

Happy Contests!!

Happy Birthday to Me!  OK, it's not really my birthday.  My real birthday is on November 2nd, which is next Sunday.  I love birthday celebrations though.  I really, really, love celebrating my 24th birthday which is why I celebrate it every year.

I've been thinking long and hard about how to best throw myself an Internet 24th birthday party.  Let's be honest, once you turn 21 there is no real advantage to getting older.  No, the best part of a birthday is getting gifts!  Come on, admit it ... you love getting gifts too, don't you?  Of course you do!

You know what makes me happy?  Making other people happy.  Especially people who bring me a lot of joy.  You, readers, bring me a lot of joy.  I'm new to this blogging world and you have opened your hearts and laps laptops to me.  You've given me a warm welcome and I want to use my birthday as an opportunity to show you my gratitude.

I will be giving out TWO prizes each day through Friday (Halloween!) of this week.  You may enter every day.  You may enter as many times as you'd like to.  Each comment equals one entry.  Friday, Halloween, will be the last day of contests so I'll make sure it's an exciting one!  Make sure you visit every day all week. 

Can you win if you've previously won a prize from me?  Yes!  Absolutely!  Is it possible to win more than one prize this week?  Yes!  Prizes will be determined by random drawings.  The more times you enter, the higher your chances of winning and/or winning multiple times.  I will be using the  Random Integer Generator to pick all winners.

I repeat:  You increase your odds of winning by entering multiple times each day. 

All you lurkers out there?  You know, the shy ones who like to hang out but don't ever leave comments?  This is your chance to de-lurk!  Your email address will never be made available to anyone but me.  You may even enter using a fake name if you're shy.

All contests will be closed at 5:00 p.m. Pacific Time on my actual birthday, Sunday, November 2nd.  I will announce all the winners on Monday, November 3rd.

Remember, the holidays are coming soon.  If you win a prize, you can always "re-gift" it if you want to. 

Good luck!!

Today's Contest:

What's a birthday, without music? 

I need some ideas for new tunes on my iPod.  Leave me a comment with the name of a fun, happy, song you think I'd enjoy listening to on my birthday.  One entry per comment!  Enter as many times as you'd like!

I will be giving out TWO iTunes Gift Cards valued at $25 each.

This contest is open until 5 p.m. Sunday, November 2nd.

Happy 24th Birthday to me!

Rich and Stupid

I will be hosting some very exciting (!) contests to celebrate my 24th birthday this week.  Stay tuned all week for the chance to win some great prizes!

I received an email last week from a new reader.  He recently moved to Orange County and he said he's "astounded" by the wealth in South Orange County. 

It's embarrassing, really.  A lot of people who live here are so rich they've lost touch with reality.  I share stories with you but I also worry that I'm jading my readers.  Nice people live here too.  Real people who work hard for whatever they have.  I don't tell you their stories, but they exist.

Nevertheless, the amusing stories seem to be endless.  And yes, I'm just snarky enough to enjoy sharing them.

Last Friday, our local newspaper reported a theft which took place in an exclusive gated community.  A forty seven year old woman left $500,000 worth of jewelry in her car overnight and it was stolen.  Her jewelry included a six carat diamond engagement ring.  That's right, she left a half million dollars worth of jewelry in her car and it was taken.  She seemed surprised. (???!!!)

Only $85,000 of the jewelry was insured.  She's offering a $10,000 reward if her jewelry is returned and "no questions will be asked."

If you had a half million dollars worth of jewelry and someone was offering you $10,000 for it would you consider that a sound investment?

The story gets better.  It seems the woman who owned the jewelry left it in her car overnight.  It was in her Bentley which was parked in her garage.  She forgot to close her garage door, left her half million dollars worth of jewelry in the unlocked Bentley, and someone stole it.  Her Louis Vuitton planner was also left in her car, and also stolen.

She feels violated.

I feel violated just by reading about her stupidity.

Sex or Cookies?

In the last week or so we've talked about Faking Orgasms.  We've also talked about a bigamist.  (By the way, I've already learned a little more about Joe the Bigamist and I'll update you on him as I hear more.)

What we haven't talked about yet are cookies.

I know, this is far from a cooking website.  Just hang with me for a minute. 

I was at my surgeon's office the other day.  You may have heard about him.  Dr. Schobert has been mentioned repeatedly during the Olympic coverage.  He's also been mentioned on Dancing With The Stars.  He takes care of some of the Olympians including Misty May (volleyball Gold Medalist).  In fact, Misty May was in his office with me this week.  He's fixed her shoulder (which works perfectly - way better than mine).  Recently she ruptured her Achilles tendon on Dancing With the Stars and he fixed that too.

Dr. Schobert doesn't take insurance because he doesn't need to.  People fly in from all over the country to see him and gladly pay cash for the privilege of going under his knife.  I, of course, was in a little different situation.  First of all, I had no cash.  Second, Doc won't take car accident victims because he doesn't want the legal nightmare car accidents involve. 

Dr. Schobert and I had met and become friendly years ago, however.  For some reason he's remembered me for all these years.  He heard about my situation (three failed surgeries) from a mutual friend last February.  A week later he was operating on me and rebuilding my entire shoulder.  Three weeks later he did a follow-up, more minor, surgery.  Doc did stuff to my arm and shoulder that hasn't been invented yet in the world of orthopedic surgery.

It was the worst thing I've ever gone through. 

It was the best thing that could have possibly happened to me. 

Getting my arm to work again has become his personal and professional mission.  I'm very grateful for that.  I think back constantly to a year ago when I would sob daily because the pain I was in could not be made tolerable by the strongest of pain meds.  I realize I will probably always have pain and limitations but where I was and where I am now .... Well, it's been a remarkable improvement.

This week as I was leaving Dr. Schobert's office he grabbed a homemade cookie a patient had brought in.  As he talked to me he sighed with joy over his cookie.  He offered me one, but I turned him down.  I was in a hurry to get going.  Then he paused and he said, "You know it's better than ClassOneDrug."  Yeah, doc thinks a homemade cookie can give you more peace/relief than the strongest pain narcotics on the market.

It got me thinking.

I doubt if I will ever offer another recipe here on Twenty Four At Heart, but I'm going to give you one today.  I am famous for my Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies.  With Halloween approaching, and with Dr. Schobert's words in my ear, I've decided to share the recipe.  They're easy to make and I've yet to meet a single person who hasn't loved them.  I've had the recipe for so long, I'm not sure where it originated from. 

If you have time, try making them this weekend.  They are moist, they are healthy (for a cookie), and they are ... yummy!  Honestly, they are the favorite cookie of all 3 of my kids and all of their friends.  I only make them in the Fall and people start begging me for them towards the end of summer each year.  They're easy, I promise!

This recipe makes a ton - plan to give some away!

PUMPKIN CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Ingredients:
1 + 1/2  c. butter (no substitutes)
2 c. packed brown sugar
1 c. sugar
1 15oz. can pumpkin  (pumpkin's healthy!!)
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
4 c. all purpose flour
2 c. quick cooking oats  (oats are healthy!!)
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. salt
12oz. choc. chips  (I use milk choc, but semi-sweet are good too!)

Cream butter and sugars in a large bowl.  Beat in pumpkin, egg and vanilla.  In a separate bowl combine the flour, oats, baking soda, cinnamon and salt.  Gradually add the dry ingredients to the creamed mixture.  Stir in chocolate chips.  (If you want some plain pumpkin cookies without chocolate, you can remove some of the batter prior to adding the chocolate chips.)  Drop by tablespoonfuls, two inches apart on an ungreased cookie sheet.  Bake at 350 for approximately 10-12 minutes. 

Enjoy! 

Bigamy

Since I began Twenty Four At Heart, more and more people have come to me with Money Town or Orange County stories to share.  Sometimes I'll even ask some of my friends whether they've come across any great stories recently.

Last night I sent an email to one of my Money Town friends.  He hangs out with the richest of the rich in Orange County.  People that drive me crazy make him shrug and grin.  He's a great source for a "tidbit" when I'm suffering from writer's block. 

"Tell me a story," I begged via email.

A short while later I read his response, stunned.

There are a few neighborhoods within Money Town which are more exclusive than others.  Apparently one man owns two extremely expensive homes (millions of dollars for each home) within a half mile of each other. 

In one home lives his wife and kids.  In the other home lives his other wife.  Not ex-wife, wife.  Neither wife knew about the other wife until recently.  Wife #2 heard about wife #1 when she was attending church recently.  Now everybody knows about everybody.

No, I'm not kidding.

(Also, if you type the word wife enough times in a row, you realize it sounds very strange and it's a weird word.  Who invented it?  Wife, wife, wife, wife.)

Why would Mr. Bigamist have everyone go to the same church? 

Maybe he figured, "A family that prays together stays together?"

Maybe he thought multiple services meant he should have multiple wives?

Or something?

I emailed my friend back with a host of questions.  Among other things I asked, "Why would he do this?  Why get married twice?  Why not just have an affair?"  (Not that I'm condoning affairs, but I was trying to understand the man's thought process.)

My friend sent back the following email:

"Did I forget to mention he's also having an affair?"

Well, yeah, I guess that's a minor detail in comparison to being married to two different women at the same time. 

I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this whole thing.  I try to understand the logic behind a man who would do this, and I just can't fathom his reasoning.  Why would anyone want to buy two multi-million dollar homes in the first place?  Wouldn't he realize that the convenience (for him) of having the homes close together meant keeping his secret next to impossible over the long term?

What if he went home to the wrong house on the wrong day?  What if he told wife #1 he was going away on business and meant to go home to wife #2 at the end of the day.  If he accidentally drove back to the house with wife #1, wouldn't he be screwed?  Not get screwed, be screwed.  If it were me, I would never be able to keep it all straight.

(If it were me, I'd also definitely blog about my two husbands, houses, and who was the best husband in bed.  Just sayin'!  That's a lot of great writing material!)

Most of us find one spouse challenging enough, why have two?  Double the frustration?  Double the bills?  Clearly this man has limitless amounts of money.  Did he go back and forth between wives on the same day?  Was he having sex with multiple women in the same day?  (Because, if so?  Eww!)  How did he manage holidays?

Why have everyone go to the same church?  Or was that an accident?  How does he explain this to his kids now? 

"Daddy got confused and accidentally married two women, bought two homes, and had another woman (women?) on the side for more sex."

Obviously Mr. Bigamist has no conscience.  Is he a sociopath? 

Really, how could anyone live this?

Look What's Hip

Fall is here.  Well, maybe not officially, but for all intents and purposes.  We're still hitting temperatures in the 80's and 90's here in Orange County.  I'm living in shorts and flip flops and probably will continue to do so for quite awhile.

I love this time of year.  There are moments when I wish I lived in a climate that would allow me to wear thick, cozy, sweaters and feel brisk air on my cheeks.  Then I come to my senses, head to the beach in my t-shirt, and thank God that I rarely have to endure a temperature below 72 degrees.  I hate to be cold.  Truly.  If I ever get transplanted to Chicago or somewhere like that, I think I'll die of exposure to the elements.  I don't even know how to dress, or live, or survive, in cold weather.

My boys are in school, and TR is on her return trip to college.  When she arrived home from her summer partying studying at Cambridge University in England, she was full of fashion news.  TR spent a lot of time visiting other countries during her nine weeks abroad.  Being a lot more girly than her mom, she noticed the fashions in Paris, Prague, Dublin, Barcelona and everywhere else she went.  She came back reporting, "ruffles, bows, frilly stuff!"  Sure enough, as we were out in the stores getting her a few things for college, I saw a lot of "frilly" in California department stores.

I wasn't buying it, but I was seeing it.

(Male readers?  You might be bored today.  On the other hand, you might use this post for ideas on gifts for the females in your life.)

The Victorian look is back.  Because it was so flattering the first time around back in the 1800's?

Who, exactly, would look good in something like this?  I'd have to strap my boobs down with tape to try and keep the buttons from popping off.  That is not a very comfortable proposition.  Can we all stop and say "hideous" to the Victorian idea?  Ladies, if you do buy something like this, make sure you buy a  corset to wear underneath.  Never forget a corset if you are wearing Victorian.  (And duct tape to flatten out your boobs.) 

Blouses with large, horrendous, bows at the collar are also in style. 

 

Now that's an attractive look.  I've always wanted to walk around looking like an ugly, discarded, birthday present.  Doesn't the bow just yell, "Three year old!?"  

Of course, if you want sexy you can always wear the other Fall Trend, the sheer see-through blouse.  It's another practical item I'm sure we all want in our closet.  Just make sure you have a sexy bra on underneath because the blouses are completely transparent.  I was going to post a picture of one, but?  There's nothing to SEE. 

For the bottom half of our bodies, the flared mini-skirt is back.

Wouldn't that look great with a Victorian blouse? 

Now, I know you're a little skeptical.  Most of my readers don't live in Southern California.  You're wondering how you can possibly keep warm in your transparent blouse and flared mini-skirt, aren't you?  Well, it will be no problem.  Just throw on your pastel colored coat as you head out the door.

We all want to look like a ghastly Easter egg in the middle of winter, don't we?  And think about the dramatic effect when you remove your pastel coat to reveal your flared mini-skirt and abominable big-bow-blouse.

Big-bow-blouse.  Try saying that five times fast.

Let's move on to your feet.  Boots are in. 

This is a Jessica Simpson boot that just came out.  Isn't it ... unique?  It would go so well with a pink pastel coat.

The other big trend in boots is the fringed boot.

This is a Betsey Johnson boot.  How nice would that look with your flared mini-skirt?

I was going to move on to lingerie, but I think I'll save that for another day.  A person can only handle so much high fashion at one time.  Even a fashionista like myself. 

Clothing Optional

I will be updating my blogroll in the near future.  If you are interested in having a link added, please read my post from last Saturday. 

There's a controversy going on here in Orange County.  Lawyers and judges have been brought in to help decide whether or not people should be allowed to continue bathing nude on a popular local beach.  This, in itself, may not be that big of a deal.  However, the lawyer defending nudity has gone public with being a "Naturist" himself.

The beach in question is called Trail 6 and it is a small, 1000 foot, beach in South Orange County.  I have been to Trail 6, but I admit it was many years ago and it was winter.  I had clothes on, and a lot of clothes at that.  I took our Golden Retriever there for a walk because, along with ignoring nudity, they also ignore the "no dogs allowed on the beach" rule.  In fact, I don't recall seeing a single naked person while I was there.  The cold temperature might have been a factor.  Who wants to show off their Shrivelly? 

I am not opposed to nude sunbathing.  I don't really care one way or the other to be honest.  I do think nude beaches need to be designated as nude beaches so people can choose whether or not they want to see other naked bodies.  Most people don't want to go out for a family picnic and have their 12 year old daughter subjected to Mr. Seventy Five Year Old's penis.  Quite frankly, I don't want to be subjected to it either which is why I don't frequent nude beaches.

When I was in college I would often go for runs or long walks on the beach.  Sometimes at the end of my run I would end up on an empty stretch of beach.  I'd strip off my clothes, and hop in the ocean for a cool-off swim.  Afterwards I'd dry off in the sun, put my clothes back on and head home.  However, it was an empty beach.  The dolphins were the only ones watching, and they just enjoyed having my company.  Dolphins are very friendly that way.  They like naked female co-eds to swim with them.

The state decided to ban nudity on Trail 6 beginning after Labor Day.  They made an announcement and handed out flyers to that effect beginning in July.  Basically, they told the "naturists" this would be their last summer to let it all hang out on Trail 6.  Mr. Baylis, a Huntington Beach lawyer, did not take kindly to this proposal and went to court to fight the change. 

Let's stop right here.  There are two things that trouble me about this story and maybe they are bothering you too.  First of all, what's up with the word Naturist?  The word bugs me.  Why not just say Nudist?  Why did Mr. Baylis decide to go public about being a Naturist instead of being a Nudist? 

If one of my friends told me they were a nudist, and liked to hang out at Trail 6, I'd think, "Okay, whatever."  I wouldn't care.  Really, who cares?  However, if the same friend announced, "I've decided to become a naturist," I would burst out laughing.  Naturist vs. Nudist.  I'm not sure why it amuses me so much, but it does.

The second thing that bewilders me about this story is Mr. Baylis, the lawyer.  I don't know Mr. Baylis, and I am sure he is a fine man and probably looks exceptional as a Naturist.  But, excuse me, what has the man just done to his career by telling the whole world he plans to barbeque naked on the beach to celebrate a recent ruling on this case?

Yes, a judge ruled recently that the state must hold a public hearing before they can ban nudity at Trail 6.  Nudity has received a temporary stay of execution at Trail 6.  Mr. Baylis was quoted in the newspaper discussing his naked, cook-out, celebration plans.  Why would anyone, let alone an attorney, do that?

Maybe it's because I've been surrounded by lawyers so much lately.  I picture myself at my mediation a few days ago.  I picture Mr. Asshole (insurance lawyer) across the table from me on a tirade.  Then I try to picture him toasting marshmallows naked on Trail 6.  It makes me giggle.  All of a sudden Mr. Asshole is not so intimidating, and if anything, he's just plain ridiculous.  Likewise, I can guarantee you, I would not have hired my lawyer, Shark, if he was in the newspaper discussing his plans for naked barbeques on the beach with his naked friends.

I realize being naked does not diminish anyone's brain.  I, personally, like being naked too.  I'm an intelligent woman and I like private nakedness.  I'm not into public nudity.  I know, however, if I'm hanging out in my bedroom at home reading a novel while I'm stark naked, it does not diminish my understanding of that book in the least. 

So why do I think Mr. Baylis has committed career-suicide by becoming the public spokesman for Naturists?  What do you think?  Are any of my readers Naturists?  Would you hire a lawyer who publicly discussed his naked barbeques on Trail 6? 

Sex and Hello Are Not The Same Thing

Family members?  Go away.  You can come back in a few days.  I'm talking about stuff you don't want to hear this week. 

To all my readers, if sexually explicit references offend you, please come back on Tuesday.  To my male real-life friends, this post was not written about you.  

I recently read an article discussing the communication gap between men and women.  I found the article amusing.  Unfortunately I was leafing through several magazines at the time and I don't recall which one the article was in so I can't quote my source.  I hate it when I do that.  The article made me laugh, but it also left me concerned.  Many of my favorite friends are men.  If the article is accurate, my friendships with men might be in trouble.

According to the article, men read sex into just about every form of communication a women transmits.  Here are some examples. 

I say "hello" and he thinks, "She wants me."

I ask, "How have you been?"

He thinks, "She can't leave me alone ... she wants to give me a blow job!"

In reality?  All I'm thinking about is running to the store for tampons after we finish our pleasantries.  Maybe I'm thinking about the dirty kitchen at home.  Your personal pleasure stick?  It's not really on my mind.  I hate to break it to my male readers, but that's how women think.  We are mentally running through our to-do lists during our every waking moment.  Sometimes even during sex if you aren't performing well enough don't distract us enough.  (Distract us, distract us!!)

I wish I had the article in front of me as I write this, but the statistics quoted were staggering.  During a brief male/female conversation they say men are thinking about sex or sexual references 80 - 90% of the time.  For women, I think it ranged around 10% of the time.

When I'm at physical therapy and I say, "I'm really wet!" I am referring to the bag of ice that melted on me.  The man sitting across from me, however, is instantly alert and extremely attentive.  In fact, he's falling all over himself to start up a conversation.  We are not on the same page.

When that same man says to his PT, "Hey, stop rubbing my thigh you just gave me a hard-on," I definitely glance over.  (What?  You wouldn't??)

The difference being, he is clearly making a reference to something sexual and I absolutely am not.

If I send an email to a male friend saying, "I was thinking about you today, how are you?" it does not mean I want to do you desperately this very minute.  Also, I'm not sitting at my laptop thinking about giving you head.  (Sorry, I'm sure it would be a titillating experience and all, but ...!)  No, it just means something reminded me of you and I thought I'd check in to hear how you are.  That's all ... honestly.  And by the way, I hope you're doing great.

According to the article, a female complimenting a man is interpreted by the man as hot, steamy, moaning, desire.  (Okay, so I got carried away and threw the word "moaning" in.  Don't ask.) 

I'm now afraid to even say, "I like your shirt" to a male friend.  I don't want him to think I'm gearing up to strip off his clothes, rub myself all over him, and start sucking on his ... earlobes.  Really I'm just thinking his shirt might look nice on my son, RC.  Or maybe I'm thinking it's the same shade of blue I'd like to paint in my upstairs bathroom.

I tend to be a complimenter, but not an insincere one.  I'm very genuine about giving compliments.  I know most of us don't get patted on the back nearly as often as we deserve.  I make a point of praising people on their positive traits.  In the case of my male friends, are they interpreting those compliments as lust on my part?  This particular article  says yes, they are. 

If a male friend tells me he fixed a broken pipe and I say, "It's great you're so handy," does he think I'm saying, "I want those handy hands on me ... now!?"  Or maybe, "I want and need your pipe!?"

If he spends a day working on his car, I might tell him that's an admirable trait.  Does he instantly think I want him to lube my engine?

What if I say, "I really enjoy our conversations, you stimulate my mind?"  Is he thinking, "She said I stimulate her.  I'm a stud.  All I have to do is talk and she's all hot and bothered."  Is he thinking sex toys while I'm thinking Obama's economic recovery plan?

What happens when words like come, head, member or "throbbing member" innocently occur in conversation?  (Oops ... maybe not throbbing member, what's wrong with me today?)  The article said men will focus on those words in particular, females may not even hear them. 

I'll be honest.  I don't want to believe the magazine.  If the article is true, I don't know how comfortable I can feel with my male friends.  I treat my male friends like I would a best girlfriend.  How do I know if the article is true though?  I only have my own very female perspective.  I think I have strong, nonsexual, male/female friendships.  Am I kidding myself?  Do men read sex and lust into every communication with females?

You Name It!

I didn't expect such a huge response from my post about funny names the other day.  I received an overwhelming number of name submissions.  I was left wondering why all these men named Dick don't go by Richard or Rich instead?  Especially if they have a last name that makes them the constant butt (pun intended) of jokes.

I can't list all the names you sent me, but here are several in no particular order.

Stormy and Wendy Weather (sisters)
Mona Lisa Smith
Rusty Nail
Bunny Hare (who had a brother Rabbit Hare, a reporter)

Dick Seaman
Dick Uranis
Helen Hooker
Ima Whore
Ima Pigg

Mary Dicklich
Dick Johnson
Mr. Bonar (a Middle School principal, can you imagine?!)
Seymour Pecker
Phil McCracken

Jack Imhoff
Dick Dick
Candy Barr
Clay Money
Iletta Pew

Dr. Wry (say quickly - opthamologist)
Dr. Payne
Happy Dicks (a neurosurgeon)
Dr. Hacker (seen for a cough)
Dr. Au (allergist/needles!)

Dr. Bracey (orthodontist)
Mrs. Butts (a teacher)
Major Butts
Dusty Broom
Justin Case

Dick Chase
Brandy Wine
John Wacker
Mike Hunt (say quickly, repeat)

Beaver Liquors (a business, but worthy of mention)
Fu King (Chinese restaurant, Cooperstown, NY)

In addition, people submitted other name oddities.  As an example, the surgeon who performed my first three post-car accident surgeries was named Thomas Thomas.  What was his mom thinking?

Others you submitted:

Richard Richard
Johnny Johnson
Tracy & Tracy (first names of a married couple)
Leslie & Leslie (same)
Jean & Gene (same)

If I didn't include a name you sent in, I apologize.  My fingers are worn out from typing!

I don't normally post on weekends, but tomorrow I will post the responses from a fellow blogger I recently interviewed. 

On Monday I am going to be taking a humorous (!) look at male/female communication.  Honestly, it is a wonder the two sexes ever communicate at all.  According to an article I recently read, men read sexual desire into almost all female communication.  If that's the case, I'm in big trouble with some of my male friends .... 

Hmmm - maybe not so big?  I'll have to take a better look.  Ha!  Just kidding!

Have a great weekend!       

What's In A Name?

Yesterday I shared with you a true story about my high school teacher, Harry Dick.  A few of you then told me funny names of people you've known over the years.  It is always amusing to hear some of the names people have been given.  Here are a few I've either known, or heard of.

Harry Dick
Rosie Dick
Beverly Hills (my sister's friend)
Robin Hood (also my sister's friend)
Drew Gas (a classmate)

Phuc Yu (a client of a lawyer friend)
Crystal Ware
Meg A. Boner
Dick Trickle (a NASCAR driver)
Dick Burns

Dr. Harry Beaver (Ob/Gyn)
Dr. Look (optometrist)

Dusty Rhodes
Harry Johnson
Helen Back
Jay Walker
Jim Shorts

Ray Zenz (raisins)
Seymour Butz
Sue Yu
Willie Stroker

Do you know some people with funny names?  I'd love to hear them!  Leave them in the comments section and if enough are submitted, I'll publish them for everyone to see in the next week or two.

 

Random Update

This is a warning ... this post will be all over the place with no rhyme or reason or attempt at organization.  That is why, folks, it is titled, "Random Update".

I get a lot of emails from readers, many of them from nice, shy, people who are hesitant to leave me notes in the "comments" section in case an ax murderer is reading my comments and tracks them down.  By the way, that can't happen ... okay?  It really is safe to leave a comment in the comment section because no one can access anything other than your name and you can always leave a fake name if you want.  I'm the only one who sees your email address and I promise I'm not a stalker.  I don't even have the time to stalk you if you are George Clooney and you wish I would.  (Because we all know George is wishing I would stalk him!  He is also, by the way, waiting for me to strip his clothes off, lounge on his bed in my lingerie, and ... uh, where was I?) 

Anyway, people email me a lot and I am choosing today to get back to you and address some open ended subjects.  I did say today is all about the word "random" didn't I?  Yes, I did ....

First of all, I have yet to hear from Mr. Dunlop.  Shocking, isn't it?  I would like to say this is because Mr. Dunlop has no idea I would love to chat with him, but I don't believe this is the case.  "Why is that, Twenty Four At Heart?" you ask.  The morning of my post regarding Mr. Dunlop, I got a very nice email from a reader who, it turns out, is neighbors with Mr. Dunlop.  I did not, by the way, have any idea I had a reader who was his neighbor when I wrote that post.

She seems to think Mr. Dunlop Scott might not come after me with lawyers in tow, so she hit the nice little green "share" button at the end of my post which allowed her to email my post directly to the Dunlop's.  One problem?  She only had MRS. Dunlop's email address.  So whether or not MRS. Dunlop shared it with MR. Dunlop is unknown.  She might, just possibly, have been offended by the fact that I mentioned something about being "beneath" her husband.  Jeez, I hope these people have a sense of humor!  And Scott?  I'm still waiting for that interview, it'll be fun, I promise!

New update just in at publishing time!  I may not have heard from Scott, but the Seen On TV website has picked up my blog post on Mr. Dunlop.  I have no idea how long you will be able to find it on their site, and I have no idea how they found it.  Such are the wonders of modern technology!  Nonetheless, I imagine this is Twenty Four At Heart's five minutes of fame.  Thank you to Mr. Dunlop and the TV show The Real Housewives of Orange County for providing Twenty Four At Heart five minutes in the spotlight.  And now back to the original post .... 

For the readers who are interested in more "hot guy on the beach" pictures, I am sorry I have let you down.  I hope to get a few more hot beach guy photos for you soon, but I have been insanely busy the last few weeks.  Unfortunately, that means I have not had a lot of beach time.  How's this photo instead?

 

Thank you Google Images for "Hot Army Guy".  My apologies to my straight, male readers.

Next subject:  Mooning the Train.  No, I was not with my girlfriend when she mooned the train this year.  Yes, I do plan to be there next year.  You are all welcome to join me.  As for my friend who works in the television industry and mentioned the possibility of televising the event on ESPN next year ... let me say this.  If anyone puts my ass on ESPN they will cease being a friend for all eternity.  My ass?  Not for prime time!

Next topic.  No, I am not rich and, no, I do not live in Money Town.  I am just a regular every day person who happens to live in the nearby vicinity of Money Town.  I also enjoy making fun of all the rich folks.  I don't think they mind ... much. 

In addition, a reader asked why I live in Orange County.  The answer is, despite the hilarious idiosyncrasies of this place, it is home.  I love it and I don't know if I could ever be happy living outside of Southern California.  The beach lifestyle is a part of who I am.

Change of topic, again.  Yes, I am over my bitchy mood, thank you very much for caring.  And yes, I do think I realized what was bothering me.  It took a few days to figure it out, a little self-analysis, and then suddenly a light bulb went on and I thought, "That's it!"  There has been a lot going on recently to stir up some painful memories and I think, without initially realizing it, things were getting to me.  Now that I know what's causing the feelings I'm working on dealing with it.  How's that for psycho-babble?  And I don't even have a shrink (yet).

If you want to know more about that particular topic come back on July 30th.  I've already written the post which will publish that day.  Writing  helps me deal with life, and yes, I cried while I wrote about the particular topic you'll read on that day.  In any case, my bitch reflex is now in check.  

Yes, you were all correct!  I should have bought Wire Man.  Briefcase has been gone a ton.  Where's a man with a hammer when you need one?  Not to mention, Wire Man might be able to hammer out any of my remaining bitchiness.  Did I just say write that?

I'll give you more random updates sometime soon.  If you have a question, or topic, you'd like to see addressed just leave a comment or send me an email.  I am behind on responding to emails, but I'm reading every single comment and email I get.  I'd also like to thank all of you again for reading.  I have been blown away lately at the number of you hanging around here.  I also get an absolute thrill seeing all the different countries that now have Twenty Four At Heart readers.  We've got a great group! 

I hope everyone has a nice weekend and I'll have another post for you on Monday.

   

Award Acceptance

I would like to publicly thank ByJane and Nanny Goats in Panties because in the same week they both bestowed the Arte Y Pico Award on Twenty Four At Heart.  I am very grateful for the honor.  This is an award given to blogs in honor of their style and substance.  (I'd like all of my regular readers to please stop laughing now.)

I would go on and on about it's beauty if I could.

I was all set to put the award in my trophy case and head out for some champagne to celebrate when I heard this award arrives with some rules attached.  They are as follows:

1.  You must choose 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award for creativity, design, interesting material and contribution to the blogging community, regardless of language.

2.  You must publish the name of each award-winning author as well as link to his or her blog. 

3.  Each award-winner must post a picture of the award and link back to the blog that has given the award. 

4.  Both the giver and the recipient of the award must link back to the Arte y Pico blog so everyone will know the origin of this award. 

5.  You must post these rules. 

Not wanting to break a single rule, lest someone come and take my ugly award away, I have tried to follow each rule to the letter. 

Having put much thought into the matter, I have chosen the following five blogs to carry on the Arte Y Pico award:

Undomestic Diva - very, very funny blog ... Also, my niece.  Can you spell N-E-P-O-T-I-S-M?

The Wind In Your Vagina - gives creativity a whole new meaning!

Miss Britt - witty, very funny, and truly a nice person!

Blogs #4 and #5 were chosen, published, and linked to, but have now been removed.  They have chosen to refuse the Arte y Pico award on moral grounds.  I completely respect their choice to do so.

Nanny Goats and ByJane, thank you both again - I am doubly honored.

 

 

Not Such A Smooth Flight

As much as I enjoyed our vacation, no getaway is complete without a few mishaps.  Our day driving to Hana was, well, an adventure.  Prior to that our first mishap occurred within the initial 24 hours of our trip.  We flew to Hawaii on American Airlines from LA direct to Maui.  Our flight was delayed (with us sitting forever on the plane on the runway).  It made for a very long day/night before we arrived in Maui.  Especially since we had Mr. and Mrs. Irresponsible parents sitting near us.  They had a crying baby (the entire flight) and never tried to comfort the child at all, in any way, whatsoever.  If I were that baby I would file for emancipation from my parents now!  The flight was not, however, what I am referring to.

Prior to leaving I discussed the trip with my doctor.  I have never gone 10 days without The Torturer since my car accident. 

Would I be in more pain without him?  Less pain?  Would I regress?  What should I do on my own while gone?  We went over all the ... ho hum, details before I left.  In case things got bad over there my doc refilled my ongoing prescription for pain pills.  I hoped I wouldn't need them.  After all, I wanted to be sipping tropical cocktails and you can't drink if you're taking pain pills.  (Unless you want to end up like Anna Nicole.)  My plan was to have the pills there for emergency use, but to hopefully bring them home untouched.  I've gotten somewhat used to living with pain at this point anyway ....

We got to our condo around midnight on the day we arrived.  Being wired from the trip, I started unpacking even as those around me nodded off to sleep.  Imagine when I opened my cosmetics case and found ... no drugs.  They were gone.  Stolen. 

I guess I should have known better than to pack them instead of keeping them with me in my purse.  However, we were rushing to leave and I had congratulated myself on remembering to take them at all.  It never occurred to me that someone would steal them.  I immediately flashed back several months prior to my doc telling me that the, very strong, drugs they use for me "have a very high street value".  He also told me people "melt the pills and shoot them up".  How do you melt a pill?  All these conversations flashed quickly through my head as I stared at the empty compartment in my case.

Then I got mad.  Angry, not because I had an immediate need for pain relief, but pissed that someone would steal from me.  Clearly they had known exactly what they were looking for ... nothing else was taken but the drugs "with the high street value".  I know it sounds cliche, but damn - I felt violated.  That was my suitcase, my stuff that some asshole had rifled through.  I've gone through hell for two years and some ADDICT decides to take my drugs?  Or maybe even worse, some asshole in a drug ring takes them purely for financial gain?

The next day as the kids eagerly headed out to the beach, I was on the phone with my doc back in Orange County.  He flipped out.  I thought I was angry?  He began ranting about "Class One" drugs, street values, the immediate need for a police report, and blah, blah, blah.  And oh yeah, he called in a replacement prescription to a drug store about 30 minutes away from our condo.  Is this how I wanted to spend my first day in Hawaii?  Talking to my doc in Orange County?  Driving a round trip hour for a replacement prescription?  Arguing with a Hawaiian pharmacist that, yes, I really do have medical insurance.  And ,no, I don't know why their computer is having trouble finding it?

The amazing thing was the response from American Airlines. 

Briefcase flies all the time and is therefore, very high up in their honors program.  Usually customers like Briefcase are catered to.  Not this time.  It took four phone calls, constant re-routing of those calls, and several days to even connect to someone willing to give him the time of day.  The airline's response?  Basically no response.  It wasn't until Briefcase insisted on an "incident report" (as they call it in the airline business) that they agreed to provide one. 

American Airlines suggested "it was probably the TSA" employees not American Airlines personnel who stole the drugs. 

There's a nice thought ... those folks that are protecting us from explosives and terrorists?  They're stoned?  And if not, let's blame them for the drug theft anyway.  The drug theft where clearly the thieves knew exactly what drugs they were looking for, and stole them quite efficiently.  The impression we were left with is that American Airlines will do exactly nothing about "the incident" other than email us a report stating that we "allege" something was taken. 

Add this to our nightmare delayed flight to Maui and is it any wonder the airlines have so little consumer confidence? 

I finally made it to the beach that first afternoon in Maui after dealing with the stolen drug issue all morning.  I sat down on our near-empty beach, looked out to the horizon and saw the most beautiful view.  The stress of the morning instantly went away and did not return for the remainder of our trip.  The way the sun was reflecting off the water made the image before me appear like an impressionist painting, but it was real.  This is what I was looking at:

 

I made it through our trip without ever taking a pain pill, but I had them there with me (like a security blanket) the remainder of the trip.  When I was in pain I focused on the crashing of the waves, the softness of the sand, the warmth of the sun, the brilliance of the stars, and okay - maybe the rum in the Mai Tai, rather than take one of the pills.

Somewhere a junkie is shooting up my meds and missing out on the beauty and reality of life.

Have you ever had something stolen while traveling?       

    

The Economy is Bad

Ass Fragrance Anyone?

Can You Spell "Obnoxious"?

Last Friday I was waiting for The Torturer in a little private room at Physical Therapy.  Dweeb spent some time with me first.  Dweeb is what they call a "tech" (assistant).  Dweeb turned the TV on in my room because he couldn't bare to miss a minute of the Scripps National Spelling Bee.  Then Dweeb began a 20 minute treatment on my non-functioning arm while we watched the spelling bee and laughed.  Yes, we laughed at children.  Dweeb and I are headed straight for hell.

I never knew a spelling bee could be so funny (and no, I wasn't on pain meds).  We watched as the 44 semi-finalists were narrowed down to 12 remaining finalists.  This was serious stuff and we watched the anguish and joy as they tried to spell.  Words such as "etagere", "canicular", "solidungulate", and "allotriophagy" were attempted by kids as young as 10.  Two hundred and eighty eight competitors began the contest.  Friday evening the sole winner received $35,000 with an additional $5,000 of prizes. 

Emotion was high during the competition which is why we found it so amusing.  How worked up can you get about the word "secernent"?  Personally, I can't get worked up about it at all.  How about you? 

I felt bad for the kids who were clearly quite stressed out.  When a child was eliminated (by the ring of a small desk bell) they were ushered to "The Comfort Room".  The Comfort Room is where, presumably, they can cry far from the glare of network cameras.  Yes, a place to sob inconsolably over a word such as "solidungulate".  Let me repeat just part of that sentence:  A place to sob inconsolably over a word.  If a child passed a round they would jump up and down and pump their arms with joy and exhiliration.  This was their big moment in the spotlight.  (Don't you just picture them telling their grandchildren someday:  "And then I spelled 'ludicrous' correctly at only age 10?")   

Watching the parents was the highlight for me.  They were comical.  Dweeb joked that they already had cruises booked with the cash they expected their kids to bring in.  The parents were intense!  I don't mean to be judgmental ... well, yes, I actually do.  It was like watching the proverbial "stage mom" (or dad), but worse.  The visible disappointment with their child when a mistake was made must have left permanent emotional scars for those kids.  I mean ... oh my GAWD, how could MY kid have left one letter out of the word "allotriophagy"?  Especially when I packed him a "30,000 word briefcase" to study while we traveled to this event?  No dessert for Tommy after THAT disappointment!  Kids can be such let-downs sometimes.

I realize some people are naturally great spellers.  I was always winning classroom spelling bees in elementary school (a zillion years ago).  I inhale books at record speed and words ... words are a part of who I am.  I am not knocking spellers, intelligence, or kids pursuing whatever their passion might be.  But parents get a grip!  Nothing in your child's life (or yours) is going to be dramatically changed by you force feeding them a dictionary every night at dinner.  Also, what happens when these same kids hit their teens and decide to rebel?  Perhaps by pursuing math or something horrifying like that? 

It's just a random thought on my part, but a child might be better served if parents helped them to become a well balanced individual.  Maybe throw in some physical activity with those spelling words.  It doesn't mean they have to be an athlete, but the majority of the spelling bee contestants looked like social outcasts.  Is there anything wrong with being intelligent and also having a decent haircut?  Or maybe no facial hair for the girls?  Or perhaps even getting rid of the unsightly unibrow?   

There is an epidemic of parents out there who know their kid is THEE smartest, prettiest, most athletic, or WHATEVER ... but!  Those parents at the spelling bee were unquestioningly living vicariously through their kids.  Or maybe Dweeb is right.  Maybe they were just watching their vacation dollars go down the drain.          

 

Who Paid For This Sign?

 

Tea Time

Today we are going off the beaten path to talk about tea.  Yes, I said TEA.  And I am a coffee drinker, so what do you think of that?  Do you think you will just skip along through your Google Reader and maybe come back another day?  That is what you were thinking, isn't it?  Ha!

I need to preface this by explaining that for many years I was a manager at a Fortune 500 consumer goods company.  That very same company owns one of the major coffee brands you find in your grocery store.  For a few years my job was to work closely with that particular coffee brand.  In other words, I had no choice but to become a coffee drinker.  Without question I would have been fired if I hadn't been.  Now I am addicted to my morning coffee. 

My son PR, however, is a tea lover.  I am very aware of all the health benefits derived from tea drinking.  It is one of those things I often vow that I will start doing more of.  You probably have a list like that too ....  more exercise, more cleaning, more shoes, more handbags, more tea drinking.  Something like that.

A few months back my friend, Nike, pulled me into a tea store at our local mall called Teavana.  Teavana also has a tea bar where you can get a cup of tea to go.  That particular day they offerred at least five different samples of tea to try.  I admit I got a little carried away by the experience and really liked some of the samples.  "I'll just buy a few things for PR" (or so I rationalized).  Nike had to help me carry all the bags out of the store by the time I was done.  Of course, I only have one working arm so maybe it wasn't really as excessive as it sounds.  Yeah, right . . .

Did you know tea goes stale?  So here are a few of my air tight canisters of varying flavors of tea.  And yes, I still drink coffee every day, but now I also try to work in a cup or two of tea in the afternoon or evening.

Yesterday we had a rain storm here in the OC.  Rain!  In May!  And it included thunder and lightening and flash floods - all of which absolutely never happen here.  It is a thrill when we actually get a little weather.  Anyway, rain definitely meant I needed to make a pot of tea.  I decided to steep a pot of blooming tea ... a tea called Blooming Tiger.  This tea starts off looking like a golf ball sized green turd.  (Sorry to be so descriptive ... but!)

It is ugly to start with, but once in your teapot it blooms, literally, into a flower.  It is enchanting to watch the transformation.  Drinking a cup makes you feel like you are treating yourself to something truly unique and special.  The flowers can be used for more than one pot of tea so if you want a second pot all you need to do is add more hot water. 

Pretty flower!  What a metamorphis - ugly turd to exotic flower.  It is a healthy white tea which is high in antioxidants.  In addition, studies show white tea may inhibit the growth of cancer AND reduce fine lines and wrinkles!  It tastes good too!

Here's the slightly soggy flower after I removed it from the teapot so you can get a better look.

Here is the cute teapot that I (absolutely) also had to buy because it is glass which allows me to watch the tea as it blooms:

I love the candle underneath to keep the tea warm!

I admit that most of the time when I make tea I do not use the teapot.  Usually I use a great one cup maker/strainer that I also got at Teavana.  I pour some loose leaf tea in it, pour in a cup of microwaved hot water, set it on top of a cup and it strains the tea leaves resulting in a perfect cup of tea with no fuss.  My favorite flavor of the loose leaf tea is Jasmine Oolong (intoxicating fragrance!), but I also really like a Rooibos tea which is a red tea.  Red teas are actually better for you than the green teas that most people are familiar with. 

A week ago we had temperatures over 100 degrees here.  All of the teas I have are really flavorful so it was a no brainer to use them as iced teas in the warm weather.  You can find great teas anywhere, but for those of you who are interested you can also order online from Teavana.   

Good Job America!

My faith in the American people was restored tonight.  

 

Congratulations David Cook!

And The Winner Is?

I am assuming most of my readers are over the age of 10.  Therefore, I conclude that the majority favor David Cook over front runner David Archuleta in the American Idol face-off.  No need to tell me that you don't watch American Idol, I know you do.  Everywhere I go I hear adults from the age of 30-70 discussing it.  Something like 56 million votes were cast last week alone.  My teenagers however, barely pay attention.  It seems like the teeny boppers (pre-teens) are totally into the show.  The teenagers think they are too cool and don't watch it.  The adults I know are obsessed with it.  No kidding, we've had parents rushing away from our team's evening baseball games because they forgot to Tivo Idol. 

Let's take a look at the preordained winner:

  

First of all, I have never watched a season where the judges were so obviously biased from day one towards a particular contestant.  They should be ashamed!  Really.  It didn't even matter earlier in the season when Archuleta forgot his lines.  No matter what he did, even on his weakest performances, the judges did nothing but rave about him.  That in itself was a total turn-off for any viewer with the ability to think for themselves.

Sorry, I just can't like the guy.  Nothing personal of course.  Except that he reminds me of a 9 year old.  And a reptile - don't ask, I can't explain it.  I'm not saying he doesn't have a nice voice.  It's just his voice makes me ... yawn.  Looking at him is difficult because he reminds me of a boy scout or something.  I know that all the 10 year old girls love him - which is exactly my point.  We don't have wholesome kids like that out here in California.  It kind of creeps me out to see one.  I picture him having a career singing in the lounge of a cruise ship.  Most likely on The Love Boat ... does anyone besides me remember The Love Boat?

So yes, I'm cheering on David Cook even though I know he is a long shot.  He won't win, but I predict he has much greater commercial success just like Daughtry did.

Now, this is the one negative thing about David Cook.  It is best if you avert your eyes while he sings.  He has the most awesome, raspy, sexy voice.  It just gets kind of ruined if you look at him while you listen because the body and face don't match the voice.  However, if you CLOSE YOUR EYES while he sings and you imagine ... anyone else ... you can't help but fall for David Cook.  American Idol has tried to destroy him by making him sing all sorts of music genres that are not appropriate for him.  Somehow he has managed to hang in there anyway.  And Simon, if you're listening -- Collective Soul was the PERFECT CHOICE for Cook's voice.  (I also loved Dream Big which was Cook's second song.)

Like most Americans, I sing like crap myself.  That never stops me though.  I l-o-v-e to sing!!  I sing in my car, I sing absolutely everywhere I go (except for some reason I never sing in the shower).  I am an obsessed music junkie and I have music of all types playing constantly.  In my delusional brain that fact alone has convinced me that I am a musical genius.  It then follows that as a musical genius, I am the best sofa-judge in the country of these AI contestants.  Clearly the world would benefit from publicizing my running commentary during next year's AI season.   

Current Events In A Nutshell

My head is running over with blog ideas today.  How can it not when there is so much going on in the world?  From the serious to the mundane, there is just SO MUCH going on.  First of all Body World the art/science exhibit of real dead bodies is returning to Southern California.  Tickets are expected to go quickly!  One of my friends went a few years back and she said it was "very interesting".  In addition, it made her never want to eat anything fattening again (THERE'S a selling point!).  She did confess it was "a little creepy" and that she had trouble sleeping that night because she kept seeing - what else?  Dead bodies.  In weird poses.  Lots of dead bodies ....

   

Then there is the whole political thing.  Which I won't blog about.  Except, I will tell you that I was raised by two staunch Republicans and much to their shame - I am a Democrat.  But that is really no big deal.  The fun part is ... Briefcase is ALSO a Republican.  Things get a little (!) heated in our house on election years.  To the point where the kids heads start spinning on their necks like they are possessed as they try to keep up with the rapid fire of political "comments" (arguments?) that go on in our house.  I think it's good for them ... they get to hear two sides on every issue and then form their own opinions.  I know they may end up schizophrenic and on a shrink's couch ... but what's a mom to do?

Now to the mundane ... sort of.  THANK GOD Kristy Lee Cook finally got voted off American Idol.  She should have been gone a month ago.  That chick was driving me nuts.  And I don't know a soul who liked her ....  How she hung on for so long, I'll never know.  It was like watching a mannequin sing in monotone.  Just my opinion ....

And finally - let's close today's blog with polygamy.  As in Texas.  And over 400 children taken from their families.  Many of them married off to grown men at the age of 12.  For some reason, this is a news topic which has gotten the attention of my two teenagers.  From PR (13) asking, "What's polygamy?" and then getting a puzzled look on his face that seemed to ask why anyone would WANT a lifestyle like that.  To RC (17) coming home one day and stating, "Wow!  Those are some pervs in that compound in Texas!"  Mind you, I am not sitting my kids down to watch the news - they are TEENAGERS and they are aware of EVERYTHING!  When I first heard the whole Texas polygamy story, I thought to myself, "What kind of woman would do that - and why?"  Then the following day I saw a close up shot of a few of the women being interviewed on TV.  And I don't mean to be rude ... or maybe I do ... because, egads!